Monkey Business Fills The Love Bucket (or does it?)

June 30th, 2010 Posted in The Love Bucket®

 

Is seeing believing?  Most people believe their eyes.

What you focus on expands.  What you perceived is based on your focus.

So, men, if you are putting effort into fill your lady’s love bucket, and she appears oblivious, there may be more to it than meets the eye.

And, ladies, if you think he is “not telling the truth” when he does not see the great big pile of dirt, he may very well be completely honest.

It has to do with your level focus and the INTENSITY of that focus.  You CAN block out everything else.  Actually, when you habituate to noises in a big city you learn to block out the noises of sirens, meowing cats, and traffic. This “tuning out” is part how we train our brains.

For new situations, you begin focus intently.  Remember when you first started to learn to drive?  Now when you drive, you do so many things naturally, without consciously thinking.

So, perception, what we SEE, can be an illusion.  Give your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/lover some slack and turn on your emotional intellisense and social intellisense.  Sense their focus and intensity of focus.

Check out this video on Perception. 

 

We see what we expect and our visual attention is NOT like a camera that picks everything up.  The failure of awareness is not intentional.  The failure of awareness is a form of misdirection and because you are directing your focus onto one area the eliminates seeing details in another.  That’s why when you lose your keys and ask someone else to find them, and the keys are right under your nose, it is because their level of awareness focuses differently than yours.  It is part of attention.  And visual attention is dependent.  (Gals, you really need to remember this because guys can get SO laser-focused, they stop seeing and hearing.)

In the book, The Invisible Gorilla the author’s aim is to show how easy it is to miss things that are right in front of us when we’re not looking out for them, and how illusions and distorted beliefs lead us astray every day.

They cover what they consider to be six of the most common intuitive errors:

• inattentional blindness (failing to see things that are in plain sight);
• the belief that our memories are more reliable than they are;
• the tendency to think someone is competent if they are confident;
• the illusion of knowledge (we know much less than we think);
• the assumption that things that occur together must be causally related; 
• and the increasingly popular notion that cognitive exercises make us smarter (in fact, physical exercise has a much stronger effect on us).

If you are trying to fill her love bucket and she does not notice, it may because of unattentional blindness.  Remember, your intention, not her sometimes blind intuition, is what counts even if she does not see it right away.  It’s those relevant everyday situations, the daily business of living, that appear to miss seeing the details when you are focused to the “disappearance” of all else around you.  Don’t take it so personally.  Just keep filling the love bucket. It’s all good.

Original Study on Perception

http://wjh-www.harvard.edu/~cfc/Simons1999.pdf

Sherrie Rose Recommends the book: The Invisible Gorilla And Other Ways Our Intuitions Deceive Us

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

 

 

 

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