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6 Ways Love Dynamics Expand You and Your Relationship

July 12th, 2013 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, Dating, Mating, Relating, Love Dynamics, The Love Bucket®, The Love Linguist®

6 Ways Love Dynamics Can Expand You and Your Relationship

Activating Love Dynamics and filling The Love Bucket are seen below in six (6) common themes that illustrate every great love story comes with greater personal and relationship growth.

love_dynamics_couple1. You’re a better version of yourself. As un-romantic as it sounds, an important pillar of a really good relationship is realizing that yes, you could live without that person. As a love dynamic the acclimating dynamic (which could almost be called co-habitation) can bring out the best or the worst in you. Would you miss them if they went away? Can you handle the dirty socks on the floor? The best kind of love isn’t some engorged Platonic concept that sucks the life out of you and your significant other for its own benefit. Rather, it makes you a better, stronger, more wonderful version of yourself. It’s for this reason that sometimes, when a great relationship ends — even bitterly — you can look back and honestly say to yourself that you don’t regret a single moment, and that you as an individual person grew in a crucial way because of the time you spent together. Even if they don’t last forever, those are always good relationships.

2. You fight fair. And you move on. Relating dynamics come in all forms. A woman shared how her husband abruptly hung up on her after a heated cross-country phone call. She was momentarily stunned. But she waited, and lo and behold, he called back soon after to sheepishly apologize and conclude the discussion, rationally. The absolute truth is that even the strongest relationships feature some periodic fighting, sometimes about petty things like an overflowing laundry basket, sometimes about serious stuff. The key isn’t to avoid these arguments, but to know how to approach them in a mature and reasonable way…a way that nobody is going to regret a few hours later. The most successful partners we know take a moment — as insanely hard as it is! — to take a deep breathe and evaluate their respective positions in an argument, then communicate their feelings, so it can remain a (perhaps heated) discussion instead of turning into a raging, screaming, irreparably scarring experience. Forgiveness helps.

3. Your sex is more about connection than copulation. Let’s face it, great sex is important. The mating dynamic changes over time as a relationship grows and two lovers explore. Sex isn’t everything where a solid relationship is concerned. Sex is tricky. It’s often loaded with issues of self worth, control, and our deepest inhibitions. And it takes a really special person to not only illuminate the darkest corners of yourself but to expose him or herself, too. A lot of couples put way too much unfair pressure on the quality of their sex lives — every day, partners have their ups and downs, but for some reason sex is always held to a higher standard. Your sexual dynamic will ebb and flow just like everything else, and as long as you’re still intimate and connecting about the various highs and lows of your life, you’re probably in a good place. Maybe you’re both under a lot of pressure at work; one of you is angling for a promotion, the other is facing a stressful deadline. It’s likely that you might go a few weeks — or, gasp!, a few months — without a good romp, but that’s no reason to feel deprived, emotionally or physically. As long as you’re open and honest about your feelings and your needs, your sexy time will inevitably return.

4. Your love is in the details. If you’re always waiting for some sweep-you-off-your-feet moment, or for your significant other to surprise you with that Cartier Love bracelet that will finally prove the relationship’s value, you’ll probably end up disappointed. If the Provisions Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket® is primary to you then you better be with someone who likes to give you gifts. Most good relationships are based on a gradual, almost imperceptible development of trust, comfort, and togetherness that have nothing to do with your Ryan-Gosling-in-The Notebook fantasies. Chances are, when you look back, you’ll have a clearer and more emotionally-charged memory of that random time you both lost it over some stupid joke when you were still half asleep one morning than the time you spent $200 on a "romantic" Valentine’s Day dinner.

5. You’re both changing, and it’s okay. First of all, any long-term relationship will bring change to your life, and if you’re fighting change, it’s probably a sign you’re not ready for a higher level of commitment. No, you shouldn’t give up the person you were before, but you shouldn’t cling to it like a life raft, either (and the same goes for your partner). Once you’ve established that, there’s another important kind of change to look out for, and it happens within the relationship itself. Like personalities, and pretty much everything else on Earth, things change over time. After six years, you probably won’t have the same relationship you did after six months or six weeks. And, that’s a good thing. Since we particularly in Western culture have such an extreme tendency to romanticize early courtship, it’s easy to think that if you’ve lost that particular lovin’ feeling, you’ve lost it all together. That’s just not true. Just as you shouldn’t compare your relationship to others’, you shouldn’t compare it to past versions of itself. (see #1 You’re a better version of yourself. ) If you can look at your love as-is, in the moment, and feel good about it, then you’re doing just fine.

6. You’re happy more than you’re sad or angry. This may sound ridiculously simple, but it’s 100% true. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end as a confidant of a person who’s in the midst of a bad relationship; they complain, they wonder over myriad ‘what ifs’, they say, ‘I wish’ a lot, and spend much of their time waging a debate about how things could always be better. What they want — and it’s a bit harder to find — is the opposite of that. If you find that the majority of your time is spent on the dark side, well, then, you know what to do. When you’re in a fulfilling, happy, grounded relationship, you’re mostly in a good mood. Sure, you’ll have down days, and moments of frustration, and bouts of loneliness, even if you’re coupled up. But mostly, you’re excited about life, your future, and your future with this person. Contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow… again, you become a better version of yourself.

By Lexi Nisita, Christene Barberich with additions from The Love Linguist and Tyler Ward. Source: Original illustrations that can be pinned on Pinterest by Ammiel Mendoza

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The Love Bucket®, 7 Rings of Desire®, Everybody Loves Love®, Sherrie Rose®, The Love Linguist®, Nagging to Naked™ are trademarks of company formerly known as The Love System LLC.© 2008 All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Disclaimers