Five Ways to Turn No into Yes (and Fill Her Love Bucket!)
Tuesday, July 20th, 2010 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, Her Love Bucket, Love Bucket, Sherrie Rose Recommends | No Comments »Five Ways to Turn No into Yes (and Fill Her Love Bucket!)
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No is a very powerful word. |
It’s one too easily spoken, as any parent of a small child will tell you. It’s also detrimental to your love and sex life, because it’s an absolute brick wall of resistance.
The minute a potential lover or your current wife or girlfriend says no, you’ve either lost a night of passion or possibly a lifetime of love. You will have to pull out some pretty convincing arguments to sway her back to a YES. Chances are you’re not going to make it.
It’s much harder to change her mind when it’s already made up.
Here are practical tips on how to turn a woman’s no into yes, where you’ll learn specific resistance you’ll face and how to magically turn it into passion and love.
First, Address the Doubts
To believe that a woman is immediately going say, “This guy is exactly who I want – or – This guy is the man I want to take home tonight,” is a belief best left to delusional dreamers. (Of which you are not one, because only smart guys read the love bucket blog.)
Everyone has doubts. You have them, I have them, potential lover or current lady has them.
Now, no one enjoys having doubts, because they make us feel worried and uncertain and unsure. That’s not a good place to be, and instinctively, we know it. So we seek reassurance that erases our doubts and takes them away.
We look to be confident. When we feel confident, we feel able to make good decisions that are right for — which include, of course, saying, “Yes, this is exactly what I need.”
So address those doubts in your interactions. Put them on the table right from the start. Show her that you know she has concerns and worries, and give her the appropriate answer that provides reassurance to her.
This doesn’t mean raising questions that weren’t there to begin with. What it means is acknowledging potential questions and concerns and responding to them appropriately before the she picks her own response that might be NO.
The Best Example: Your Local Garage
Boats and cars are often given a woman’s name. Sometimes women think guys love their cars more than them. They spend time shining, polishing, and driving the “mistress.”
So, following the car theme, here’s an example of how you can address your lady’s doubts:
Let’s say your garage mechanic tells you that repairing your car will cost you $800. You can bet that you’ll have buyer resistance, and it’s highly unlikely that you’ll say, “This is exactly what I need!”
It’s far more likely you’re already trying to figure out how to get out of paying that amount.
Then your mechanic says, “I’m sure you’re wondering how necessary it is to repair these parts.” And he proceeds to tell you exactly how unsafe your car becomes if you don’t have them repaired — and if you have kids, he points out, and their safety means everything.
Then your mechanic says, “Now I know you’re probably wondering whether you can wait a while. But let me explain why that’s a bad idea.” He goes on to show how much more costly repairs will be if you don’t get this fixed soon.
By now, you’re not thinking about how to get out of the repairs. You’re into thinking about where you’ll get the money to pay for it all. You’ve already started moving from no to yes.
The mechanic doesn’t really know what’s going through your mind, but what he’s doing is covering his bases. He’s presuming you might have doubts, he’s assuming which doubts you might have, and he’s addressing them before you even voice them aloud.
If he guesses wrong? No problem — call it extra bonus arguments. You know, just in case. And if he guesses right? Then you haven’t had to say a word, and you have all the answers you need.
Be that proactive in your interactions. Assume the arguments, address them with confidence, reassure your lady and you’ll be turning no into yes before you know it.
How do you feel about addressing doubts in your interactions? Are you great at dismantling arguments? Do you hate forking money over to the auto-garage? And how reassured will she be when her doubts are addressed?
The War of the Sexes is One Filled With Battles
It’s your style, words, actions and integrity that will sway her, and her defensive shields are strong — so very strong. Each time you valiantly knock down an argument she’s presented, verbally or silently, another flies up, as if she’s creating them right out of thin air.
=> “You aren’t forcing her to say yes; you’re taking away her reasons to say no.”
SHE holds all the power, the final decision, the last word. But if you’ve played your cards right and taken away all her reasons to say no, the only word she’ll have left to say is, “YES.”
How do you take away her reasons to say no? Here are five ways to do just that:
“I Don’t Need You.”
When she tells you, verbally or silently, she doesn’t need you what she’s really saying is that she doesn’t want you – RIGHT NOW. There’s a huge difference between need and want and timing.
Take the lowly car, for example. We don’t need more than a basic box with wheels that gets us from A to B, but we consistently buy vehicles that offer far more luxury, bells and whistles — and we pay dearly for them too.
What you do as a Masterman, is turn needs into wants. Tell her why she wants you and start with gestures, innuendo, create intrigue, and a sense of mystery. Get her juices flowing. Get down and dirty in desire, play up how much her life will change for the better and let her visualize how fantastic her future will be – or the evening. You’ll be changing “I don’t need you” into “I want you so bad I can taste it” in no time.
“I’m Busy.”
Let’s face it. When she wants something — really, really wants something — she’ll find a way to make it happen. She’ll put on the right clothes, strut around, make those come hither glances. She’ll wear those stiletto heels until she’s straining. She’ll even go into debt to buy a dress if she thinks it will help her hook her man.
What you need to make sure she wants you and then you need to make sure YOU ARE *THE* PRIORITY above all other guys in her universe. Show her the benefits you offer and convey the value of what you bring to her.
Make her laugh. Make her an offer too good to pass up. Make it unmistakably clear to her that turning away from you now means losing out in the long run. And make it irresistible — she can’t afford not to take you up on your offer.
“Hmmm… Maybe Later.”
If she’s not feeling the need to give you her attention right now, there’s been a misfire on the priority front. You can guarantee she won’t be back, because out of sight is out of mind. Or, maybe she actually does want to think over her decision to be sure it’s the right one for her (which is fine), but to leave her thinking too long without some form of contact, well, she’ll just plain forget.
Or something more important comes up. And there’s no time left for you.
Convey the priority for her consider your offer now. Give it a timeframe with a “reward” like you’ll give her the foot massage or her dreams (women love this especially if they don’t think there are any strings attached) Give rewards for her “YES” so she’s looking forward to being with you.
“I Don’t Really Know Who You Are.”
If you are trying to meet women and this is your first encounter, this really means, “Why should I date… YOU?” And this baby is a big one these days, with all sorts of unknown guys cropping up with slick lines and cocky claims. No gal wants to risk wasting her time (read: looks and fertility) on some guy who’s a loser.
Show her you’re trustworthy by showing her you’re a gentleman. Eventually she’ll ask about your details: credentials, skills, background, history and family that she’ll need to trust and believe you are who you say you are. Downplay the weird stuff at the beginning (everyone has some) and talk up the things you have in common. Yes, ask her what she likes so you can see if you have anything in common more than sexual chemistry.
She’ll read you fast enough, so be honest; it shows.
The Value of No
If you don’t get the date or the evening of romance you hoped for, don’t despair. There’s a positive in every negative, which means there’s a yes in every no.
There’s a learning experience in why your she didn’t go out on a date or take you up on your sizzling evening offer. Take the opportunity to climb into her head and find out what you need to understand. There are 7 Ways to Fill Her Love Bucket. And there are 5 Love Dynamics. Learn more so you can be a masterman with women.
Which means less “NO” the next time.
You’re not going to change their mind; she’s said no already TODAY, but you do have another chance.
If she did say “YES” at some point after, ask her what might have swayed her to say yes. You’ll probably be surprised at her answer. By understanding what makes her tick you’ll just get better and better at her saying “YES” the next time.
Sherrie Rose Recommends: Filling Her Love Bucket!
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Authorship: This blogpost is modified from the original by James Chartrand. James is an in-demand web copywriter, author, online business consultant and owner of the leading web design and copywriting agency, Men with Pens. Click here to visit Men with Pens, and while you’re at it, follow James on Twitter.
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Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!
Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with bonus link
Anatomy of A Woman’s Feelings ("I’m Sorry" fills the love bucket)
Friday, June 18th, 2010 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, Her Love Bucket, Love Bucket Books, The Love Linguist, The Man Class Series | No Comments »The Anatomy of a Woman’s Feelings
| Note: Although, I do not agree with all of this, particularly using the example of an organ, it has a valuable insight. You can learn more about filling a woman’s love bucket in The Man Class Series Accelerator ~Sherrie Rose, The Love Linguist |
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By A. A. Armstrong |
This may be the most important article I have ever written. Please feel free to pass this on to all the women AND all the men in your life. |
HEART AND LUNGS, LIFE AND ENERGY
Imagine, if you will, a woman. Let’s look inside of her. Not the way a doctor might see her, but someone with more intuitive vision. In the center of her chest is a very unique organ. It looks like a disk about the size of a salad plate, up to two inches thick, and it fills her chest. When it is healthy, the color is a vibrant red or magenta or red-orange, and the surface is soft and even bubbly. Like the lungs, it pulls life and energy in from the environment. Specifically from nature, from the joy of loved ones, from beauty. Like the heart, it is connected to every part of her body through a complex circulatory system. As life and energy are pulled into it, life and energy travel to every extremity.
This organ is called “her feelings” and it is the core of her being.
When a woman is delighted or happy, this organ fills with life and energy, expanding and expanding. The life and energy move from her chest to her lungs, and she may breathe more heavily or deeply. From there, the life and energy move to her throat, and she may laugh or giggle or sing. Continuing upward, her mouth turns into a smile, her skin glows and her eyes sparkle. The life and energy flow through her smile and skin and eyes to the people around her and they are uplifted. When the life and energy reach her brain, they fill her head with hopeful, loving, magnanimous, creative thoughts. And as they reach her arms and legs, hands and feet, her step becomes lighter and she may even dance.
This is when she is her most powerful, and paradoxically, her most vulnerable. Bask in her beauty and light and treat her with care.
PAIN AND BLACKNESS, SILENCE AND IMMOBILITY
Imagine now that something happens which “hurts her feelings.” Intentional act or mere oversight, when a woman’s feelings are hurt, the process works in reverse. The rate at which this occurs depends on how harsh or shocking was the hurtful act or comment. It may take three to thirty minutes for the process to be complete.
Within a few seconds the organ has constricted, changing color to black or dark gray and becoming hard and tight like a rock or fist. Vibrant and pulsing a moment before, it lies lifeless. The woman might gasp as she feels the core of her being shrink and harden. Then this new death travels the pathways that life and energy flowed through just moments before.
Being closest to her lungs, breathing will be the first to go. She will feel as if she can’t breathe and her actual breaths will become shallow. Next is the throat. She will be able to speak for only a few moments longer and then the death-feeling will shut down all energy to her throat. The “silent treatment” that others dread is not voluntary. She cannot speak. Her eyes will suddenly become sensitive to light, and especially to people. She’ll have to avoid all eye contact, for it hurts them. After a few more minutes the life and energy is gone from her arms and legs. If she can’t cocoon, she’ll move slowly. If she can, she’ll find a safe place, curl up and become immobile. As time passes, her body feels heavier and heavier, like dirt is being piled on top of her.
In her experience, she has been completely shut down. Then the real mischief begins.
For one small, crucial part of her brain has a back up generator, which turns on as the rest herself shuts off. And it has access to a specific set of files. Let’s call it “the Rage Machine.” While she lies breathless, speechless, blind and immobile, the Rage Machine dips into all the records of irritations, annoyances, pet peeves, and any unresolved injuries. With only these to work with, the Rage Machine starts churning out speeches. Its fantasy is all-out verbal warfare. It plots revenge.
As time goes on, the Rage Machine will gather momentum. Physical proximity to the person who her hurt her feelings fuels the Rage Machine, giving it energy. Though lying buried under dirt, mute and blind, the woman may try to move to a distance from the source of the hurt, understanding intuitively that this might quiet the beast in her head. She may move to another room or out of the house altogether.
On the surface, the Rage Machine may take over the woman’s facial muscles, making her look angry or upset. But underneath its rantings, a small voice in her head is pleading for help, hoping the person who buried her might come dig her out. For he or she is the only one who can.
ON THE OTHER SIDE
Now let’s look from the point of view of the man. Why a man? Because women are more vulnerable to the men they love than anyone else on Earth. And because feelings are different for men. Or so they have told me. Men’s feelings, while just as deep and significant, don’t have the circulatory system women have. Scientists tell us that men don’t have as many connections in their brains from the feeling centers and language centers. This is good, by the way. Different but valuable for many purposes.
So, having a different relationship to feelings in general, the man does not realize that he has just hurt the woman. Whatever he did or said was not intended to be hurtful. Healthy men (which most are) never intend to hurt women. And that same remark or action would probably not have hurt him. He has no idea that her feelings are the organ at the core of her being from which all life and energy flow. No one has ever explained that to him.
After a prolonged silence, he starts to worry that she may be mad at him. He hopes this isn’t true. If he loves her, then her being mad at him is the worst thing that can happen. He is hoping, and maybe praying, that she’s upset at something else, but please, not at him. As one man expressed it, “I’d pay a million, billion, gazillion dollars for her not to be mad at me.” For a being designed to pursue success in every area, this is the worst failure. She is the sun and the moon and both have suddenly deserted his life. And he doesn’t know why.
If she does something that clearly indicates that the anger is directed at him, then hope will die, he’ll know he failed, and there is nothing to do now but fix it. If he has been able to fix it in the past, he’ll quickly respond. If he has never been able to fix it, then he’s really sunk.
Until the woman does something that overtly communicates anger, like going to sleep in the other room or stomping out of the house, he’ll keep hoping that it isn’t him. This is how the woman can be left buried under the dirt in darkness and silence for hours. He doesn’t mean to be cruel. He doesn’t know that she’s drowning and that he’s the only lifeguard.
“I’M SORRY I HURT YOU” RAISES THE DEAD
When he does go her, he’ll want to confront the anger head-on. Because he thinks it is real. He doesn’t know that it is the Rage Machine’s default program of miscellaneous junk that really didn’t bother her that much at the time. If he engages the Rage Machine by being angry himself – perhaps because it seems unfair to him that she is angry – then he’s likely to hear all the trash that has been being gathered and rehearsed. A smart man will treat it like the garbage disposal backing up. An informed man could avoid it altogether.
Beneath the anger is the hurt that shut down the whole system and enabled the Rage Machine to take over. If he says, “I’m sorry” – and means it – life will suddenly flow back into her chest and make its way to the rest of her body. It will take a while to reach all the different parts, so he should be patient. But as soon as he says, “I’m sorry”, with true kindness and remorse.
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You can get free Love Bucket Books by following Sherrie Rose on Twitter.
Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!
Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with a link for instant digital download of
FREE love bucket books(& other bonuses)
Facebook Doesn’t Fill The Love Bucket?
Tuesday, June 1st, 2010 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating | No Comments »This goes out to all the lovers out there…
Dating Dance Patterns & Persuasion (can fill her love bucket!)
Wednesday, May 26th, 2010 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, Sherrie Rose Recommends, The Man Class Series | No Comments »It is said that in the sales process if you mimic (in an understated way) your prospective client that it builds rapport and you get closer to the sale. The same is true in when you are persuading and seducing a mate.
In the animal kingdom, firefly species use a special pattern of flashing to signal to potential mates. This happens during mating season. There’s another species of firefly that appears to be a remarkably successful seducer. By copying the unique blinking pattern they attract other fireflies. However, this second species goal is not to mate, but to attack and eat them for dinner.
How do you know if you are falling into love’s embrace or if you are an unsuspecting victim of persuasion?
In the dating dance when you mimic the other person by using exactly the same words phrases, you are generally more liked, but actually receive more green light signals from your prospective mate. This strategy increases rapport and there is higher likelihood you will “get lucky,” get a phone number, or get a second date.
Following and repeating patterns of speech and movement is an effective persuasive tool. It may increase a sense of closeness and understanding with another person. After giving someone your phone number, if they repeat it back to you in a way that’s different to how you remember it sounds it breaks rapport. Unexpectedly your phone number doesn’t sound right and you probably take a second (disapproving) look at that person.
When meeting people for the first time, you can develop good relationships in a quicker time by repeating back selectively the same words that they use. It does not matter if it is in dating, sales, business, or family functions. Communication that follows patterns of words and phrases that are repeated creates closeness.
As a result, your date may be persuaded to go home with you or will be anxiously waiting for your next phone call or text message.
Read more about Persuasion by authors Steve Martin, Noah Goldstein and Robert Cialdini:
Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive
( New York Times bestseller)
Reminder: Today is the first day of Her Love Bucket 4-Day Sale
Get access now: http://herlovebucket.com/4daysale
You can get free Love Bucket Books by following Sherrie Rose on Twitter.
Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!
Sherrie Rose Recommends:
Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to be Persuasive
Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with a link for instant digital download of
FREE love bucket books
(& other bonuses)
Marriage Is More Beneficial For Men Than For Women (Help Fill The Love Bucket)
Friday, May 14th, 2010 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, Lifestyle | No Comments »Marriage is more beneficial for men than for women — at least for those who want a long life. Previous studies have shown that men with younger wives live longer. While it had long been assumed that women with younger husbands also live longer, in a new study Sven Drefahl from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research (MPIDR) in Rostock, Germany, has shown that this is not the case. Instead, the greater the age difference from the husband, the lower the wife’s life expectancy. This is the case irrespective of whether the woman is younger or older than her spouse.
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elated to life expectancy choosing a wife is easy for men — the younger the better. The mortality risk of a husband who is seven to nine years older than his wife is reduced by eleven percent compared to couples where both partners are the same age. Conversely, a man dies earlier when he is younger than his spouse.
For years, researchers have thought that this data holds true for both sexes. They assumed an effect called "health selection" was in play; those who select younger partners are able to do so because they are healthier and thus already have a higher life expectancy. It was also thought that a younger spouse has a positive psychological and social effect on an older partner and can be a better caretaker in old age, thereby helping to extend the partner’s life.
"These theories now have to be reconsidered," says Drefahl. "It appears that the reasons for mortality differences due to the age gap of the spouses remain unclear." Using data from almost two million Danish couples, Drefahl was able to eliminate the statistical shortcomings of earlier research, and showed that the best choice for a woman is to marry a man of exactly the same age; an older husband shortens her life, and a younger one even more so.
According to Drefahl’s study, published May 12 in the journal Demography, women marrying a partner seven to nine years younger increase their mortality risk by 20 percent. Hence, "health selection" can’t be true for women; healthy women apparently don’t go chasing after younger men. While many studies on mate selection show that women mostly prefer men the same age, most of them end up with an older husband. In the United States, on average a groom is 2.3 years older than his bride. "It’s not that women couldn’t find younger partners; the majority just don’t want to," says Sven Drefahl.
It is also doubtful that older wives benefit psychologically and socially from a younger husband. This effect only seems to work for men. "On average, men have fewer and lesser quality social contacts than those of women," says Drefahl. Thus, unlike the benefits of a younger wife, a younger husband wouldn’t help extend the life of his older wife by taking care of her, going for a walk with her and enjoying late life together. She already has friends for that. The older man, however, doesn’t.
This means that women don’t benefit by having a younger partner, but why does he shorten their lives? "One of the few possible explanations is that couples with younger husbands violate social norms and thus suffer from social sanctions," says Drefahl. Since marrying a younger husband deviates from what is regarded as normal, these couples could be regarded as outsiders and receive less social support. This could result in a less joyful and more stressful life, reduced health, and finally, increased mortality.
While the new MPIDR study shows that marriage disadvantages most women when they are not the same age as their husband, it is not true that marriage in general is unfavorable. Being married raises the life expectancy of both men and women above those that are unmarried. Women are also generally better off than men; worldwide their life expectancy exceeds that of men by a few years.
Source: ScienceDaily.com – Max-Planck-Gesellschaft. "Downside of Marriage for Women: The Greater a Wife’s Age Gap from Her Husband, the Lower Her Life Expectancy." ScienceDaily 12 May 2010. 14 May 2010 < http://www.sciencedaily.com /releases/2010/05/100512062631.htm>