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Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

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Related to life expectancy choosing a wife is easy for men — the younger the better. The mortality risk of a husband who is seven to nine years older than his wife is reduced by eleven percent compared to couples where both partners are the same age. Conversely, a man dies earlier when he is younger than his spouse.

For years, researchers have thought that this data holds true for both sexes. They assumed an effect called "health selection" was in play; those who select younger partners are able to do so because they are healthier and thus already have a higher life expectancy. It was also thought that a younger spouse has a positive psychological and social effect on an older partner and can be a better caretaker in old age, thereby helping to extend the partner’s life.

"These theories now have to be reconsidered," says Drefahl. "It appears that the reasons for mortality differences due to the age gap of the spouses remain unclear." Using data from almost two million Danish couples, Drefahl was able to eliminate the statistical shortcomings of earlier research, and showed that the best choice for a woman is to marry a man of exactly the same age; an older husband shortens her life, and a younger one even more so.

According to Drefahl’s study, published May 12 in the journal Demography, women marrying a partner seven to nine years younger increase their mortality risk by 20 percent. Hence, "health selection" can’t be true for women; healthy women apparently don’t go chasing after younger men. While many studies on mate selection show that women mostly prefer men the same age, most of them end up with an older husband. In the United States, on average a groom is 2.3 years older than his bride. "It’s not that women couldn’t find younger partners; the majority just don’t want to," says Sven Drefahl.

It is also doubtful that older wives benefit psychologically and socially from a younger husband. This effect only seems to work for men. "On average, men have fewer and lesser quality social contacts than those of women," says Drefahl. Thus, unlike the benefits of a younger wife, a younger husband wouldn’t help extend the life of his older wife by taking care of her, going for a walk with her and enjoying late life together. She already has friends for that. The older man, however, doesn’t.

This means that women don’t benefit by having a younger partner, but why does he shorten their lives? "One of the few possible explanations is that couples with younger husbands violate social norms and thus suffer from social sanctions," says Drefahl. Since marrying a younger husband deviates from what is regarded as normal, these couples could be regarded as outsiders and receive less social support. This could result in a less joyful and more stressful life, reduced health, and finally, increased mortality.

While the new MPIDR study shows that marriage disadvantages most women when they are not the same age as their husband, it is not true that marriage in general is unfavorable. Being married raises the life expectancy of both men and women above those that are unmarried. Women are also generally better off than men; worldwide their life expectancy exceeds that of men by a few years.

Source: ScienceDaily.com – Max-Planck-Gesellschaft. "Downside of Marriage for Women: The Greater a Wife’s Age Gap from Her Husband, the Lower Her Life Expectancy." ScienceDaily  12 May 2010. 14 May 2010 < http://www.sciencedaily.com­ /releases/2010/05/100512062631.htm>

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Adam,

I read your post with amusement not because the information is not good, but because, you (and everyone) see the world through your phase of life, in this case, with two teenage sons sharing custody. And, those teenage sons may be messy and have chaos in their lives. Although, they are both EXTREMELY talented and intelligent young men and you are very proud of them as you should be. Chip off the old block.

Your questions:

“How should you date after 30 – 35 – 40? Should you act different? Should you BE different?”

First, I like the title of your upcoming new book, Adam, “Embodying Mastery.” As you know, the term I use is MASTERMAN. (See definition on urban dictionary)

It is not about having order and slaying chaos as a page, prince, knight or king. Those archetypes from Tarot and other teachings are not about being a MASTERMAN. A MASTERMAN embodies all those archetypes.

About chaos. I’m known for THE LOVE BUCKET® concept. One of the rings of desire of the love bucket is LIFESTYLE. How a person lives with neatness and hygiene, finances, location of home, and the full gamut of the business of living is part of lifestyle. Some areas you can compromise on and others you can’t. But there’s more to the love bucket than lifestyle.

Next, the over-30 – 35 – 40 dating question first revolves around two big “elimination” questions:

PHASE of LIFE: Are you in the “lets play and have fun” or “let’s settle down” phase. These are not mutually exclusive but one is the prime motivator. Which is it?

KIDS: Where do you stand with kids? Do you have kids, do you want kids, does she have kids, does she want kids.

Again, your questions: “How should you date after 35? Should you act different? Should you BE different?”

The answer is not about being different. It is about being clear. Clarity in what you want in dating whether it is dating for fun or dating to get into a serious relationship. Be clear YOURSELF on the two elimination questions. Know what you want out of your phase. If you just want to play and have fun and you start dating a woman who wants to settle down and have kids you are not acting in integrity with either of your best interests.

A MASTERMAN would determine the answer to the elimination questions up front so he can act in integrity when he is dating. Remember the dating experience is for the highest good for all involved. If you don’t have clarity you’ll be wasting your time and her time.

Now about TIME: Time is an investment. As you get older, time is more in the forefront of the mind of men and women. When you date over thirty you realize that you are investing your time (and possibly your money) into the date or several dates that may lead to a relationship.

For women, what is the TIME INVESTMENT in dating? Men need to understand and value the two very essential capital investments that a woman brings to the dating game.       1) A woman is investing HER LOOKS.       2) A woman is investing HER FERTILITY. Both LOOKS and FERTILITY have an expiration  “shelf life.”

That is why it is so important to be clear upfront with what you want while dating as dating can lead to a relationship. If you date and she wants a commitment and kids you are spending her fertility. Over 35 it is much more serious. Enough said.

Even with LOOKS. If she wants a serious relationship, with or without kids, and the guy is spending her looks because he has no intention giving her a commitment even though you may be serious and exclusive, you are spending her looks. When a guy is “done” she is now older, has another wrinkle, and the guy is off to a younger woman.

Her LOOKS helped attract you to her. Spending her looks when she is young is not that big a deal. If you spend her looks over 35 you’ve got to keep the timeline in check past three months of dating.

So if you are not conscious or are unaware of the expiration date of these two capital investments that women bring, you become part of the angry conversation that women have about men.

So how should you BE (as a man) when dating?

Be a MASTERMAN. Here’s the MASTERMAN definition: A man who exudes mastery and integrity because he has self-discipline, confidence, clarity of purpose on a daily basis, and strategic direction of his life. Women are extremely attracted to a masterman (think Rockstar), young boys clamor to be lead by a masterman, and peers seek the counsel of a masterman often in the context of a mastermind group.

A MASTERMAN has mastered the art of initiative and positively contributes and participates in the lives of others.

A MASTERMAN is a success in all aspects of his life.

Again, a MASTERMAN would determine the answer to the elimination questions (phase and kids) up front so he can act in integrity when he is dating.

A MASTERMAN does not need validation or approval of women. A MASTERMAN has other strong men in his life in a group or BROTHERHOOD of MASTERMAN that keep each other in check, activate friendly competition, and challenge each other to rise to their greatness and potential.

The concepts and ideas here will soon in be available in a free PDF document.

To Your Love Success,

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Adam’s Blog: http://attractconnectinspire.com/dating-after-30-accessing-your-inner-king/