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Archive for the ‘Love Dynamics’ Category

Love Definition #lovebucket

Monday, October 12th, 2015 Posted in Love Dynamics | No Comments »

What is the Definition of LOVE? Love is the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.

This comes from the Urban Dictionary with 53,421 “likes up” for this definition at last count.

love-urban-dictionary

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you’re in love, you always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.

This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It’s when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that’s how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.

It’s when they’re the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they’re the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It’s the smile on your face you get when you’re thinking about them and miss them.

Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense,and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you’re in love. If you find it, don’t let it go.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:

That word is love.
-Sophocles

However you define love, fill her love bucket with the love she desires.

When You Realize That Marriage Isn’t For You

Sunday, November 3rd, 2013 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, Love Dynamics, The Love Bucket® | No Comments »

When You Realize That Marriage Isn’t For You What Happens to the Love Bucket?

Seth Adam Smith and his wife Kim had been married only a year and a half, when the groom came to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for him.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.  Following is in Seth’s own words:

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.

My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?” (to fill her love bucket)

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

Marriage is about family.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.

Author Seth Adam Smith

So, The Love Bucket DOES get filled but not for selfish reasons.  The Love Bucket gets filled to SHARE.

6 Ways Love Dynamics Expand You and Your Relationship

Friday, July 12th, 2013 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, Dating, Mating, Relating, Love Dynamics, The Love Bucket®, The Love Linguist® | No Comments »

6 Ways Love Dynamics Can Expand You and Your Relationship

Activating Love Dynamics and filling The Love Bucket are seen below in six (6) common themes that illustrate every great love story comes with greater personal and relationship growth.

love_dynamics_couple1. You’re a better version of yourself. As un-romantic as it sounds, an important pillar of a really good relationship is realizing that yes, you could live without that person. As a love dynamic the acclimating dynamic (which could almost be called co-habitation) can bring out the best or the worst in you. Would you miss them if they went away? Can you handle the dirty socks on the floor? The best kind of love isn’t some engorged Platonic concept that sucks the life out of you and your significant other for its own benefit. Rather, it makes you a better, stronger, more wonderful version of yourself. It’s for this reason that sometimes, when a great relationship ends — even bitterly — you can look back and honestly say to yourself that you don’t regret a single moment, and that you as an individual person grew in a crucial way because of the time you spent together. Even if they don’t last forever, those are always good relationships.

2. You fight fair. And you move on. Relating dynamics come in all forms. A woman shared how her husband abruptly hung up on her after a heated cross-country phone call. She was momentarily stunned. But she waited, and lo and behold, he called back soon after to sheepishly apologize and conclude the discussion, rationally. The absolute truth is that even the strongest relationships feature some periodic fighting, sometimes about petty things like an overflowing laundry basket, sometimes about serious stuff. The key isn’t to avoid these arguments, but to know how to approach them in a mature and reasonable way…a way that nobody is going to regret a few hours later. The most successful partners we know take a moment — as insanely hard as it is! — to take a deep breathe and evaluate their respective positions in an argument, then communicate their feelings, so it can remain a (perhaps heated) discussion instead of turning into a raging, screaming, irreparably scarring experience. Forgiveness helps.

3. Your sex is more about connection than copulation. Let’s face it, great sex is important. The mating dynamic changes over time as a relationship grows and two lovers explore. Sex isn’t everything where a solid relationship is concerned. Sex is tricky. It’s often loaded with issues of self worth, control, and our deepest inhibitions. And it takes a really special person to not only illuminate the darkest corners of yourself but to expose him or herself, too. A lot of couples put way too much unfair pressure on the quality of their sex lives — every day, partners have their ups and downs, but for some reason sex is always held to a higher standard. Your sexual dynamic will ebb and flow just like everything else, and as long as you’re still intimate and connecting about the various highs and lows of your life, you’re probably in a good place. Maybe you’re both under a lot of pressure at work; one of you is angling for a promotion, the other is facing a stressful deadline. It’s likely that you might go a few weeks — or, gasp!, a few months — without a good romp, but that’s no reason to feel deprived, emotionally or physically. As long as you’re open and honest about your feelings and your needs, your sexy time will inevitably return.

4. Your love is in the details. If you’re always waiting for some sweep-you-off-your-feet moment, or for your significant other to surprise you with that Cartier Love bracelet that will finally prove the relationship’s value, you’ll probably end up disappointed. If the Provisions Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket® is primary to you then you better be with someone who likes to give you gifts. Most good relationships are based on a gradual, almost imperceptible development of trust, comfort, and togetherness that have nothing to do with your Ryan-Gosling-in-The Notebook fantasies. Chances are, when you look back, you’ll have a clearer and more emotionally-charged memory of that random time you both lost it over some stupid joke when you were still half asleep one morning than the time you spent $200 on a "romantic" Valentine’s Day dinner.

5. You’re both changing, and it’s okay. First of all, any long-term relationship will bring change to your life, and if you’re fighting change, it’s probably a sign you’re not ready for a higher level of commitment. No, you shouldn’t give up the person you were before, but you shouldn’t cling to it like a life raft, either (and the same goes for your partner). Once you’ve established that, there’s another important kind of change to look out for, and it happens within the relationship itself. Like personalities, and pretty much everything else on Earth, things change over time. After six years, you probably won’t have the same relationship you did after six months or six weeks. And, that’s a good thing. Since we particularly in Western culture have such an extreme tendency to romanticize early courtship, it’s easy to think that if you’ve lost that particular lovin’ feeling, you’ve lost it all together. That’s just not true. Just as you shouldn’t compare your relationship to others’, you shouldn’t compare it to past versions of itself. (see #1 You’re a better version of yourself. ) If you can look at your love as-is, in the moment, and feel good about it, then you’re doing just fine.

6. You’re happy more than you’re sad or angry. This may sound ridiculously simple, but it’s 100% true. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end as a confidant of a person who’s in the midst of a bad relationship; they complain, they wonder over myriad ‘what ifs’, they say, ‘I wish’ a lot, and spend much of their time waging a debate about how things could always be better. What they want — and it’s a bit harder to find — is the opposite of that. If you find that the majority of your time is spent on the dark side, well, then, you know what to do. When you’re in a fulfilling, happy, grounded relationship, you’re mostly in a good mood. Sure, you’ll have down days, and moments of frustration, and bouts of loneliness, even if you’re coupled up. But mostly, you’re excited about life, your future, and your future with this person. Contrary to popular opinion, the goal of marriage is not happiness. And although happiness is often a very real byproduct of a healthy relationship, marriage has a far more significant purpose in sight. It is designed to pull dysfunction to the surface of our lives, set it on fire and help us grow… again, you become a better version of yourself.

By Lexi Nisita, Christene Barberich with additions from The Love Linguist and Tyler Ward. Source: http://www.relevantmagazine.com Original illustrations that can be pinned on Pinterest by Ammiel Mendoza

Never Have A Love Affair

Thursday, June 7th, 2012 Posted in Genetic Wiring, Love Dynamics | No Comments »

When you listen to this you’ll never have a love affair…

love-ray-bradbury

Love is the most powerful emotion.  The love biochemicals surge through your body and your b-spot is twitterpated. 

Twitterpated you say?  Listen to the wise owl from Bambi explain it to the your males.

Many people prize the intellect but men, in particular, look at women and shake their heads saying the female of the species are too emotional.  Men like to think they are logical.

brain-1 - Copy
When you only listen to your intellect, as Ray Bradbury says, you would never have a love affair.  Ray knows the power of love. Without emotion, there would be no love and no love affairs.   

Love is at the center of your life.  The things that you do should be things that you love.

“If we listened to our intellect we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical: "It’s gonna go wrong." Or "She’s going to hurt me." Or,"I’ve had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore . . ." Well, that’s nonsense. You’re going to miss life. You’ve got to jump off the cliff all the time and build your wings on the way down.”  –Ray Bradbury

Empty Love Bucket: The Wall That Separates

Thursday, May 31st, 2012 Posted in Love Dynamics, The Love Bucket® | No Comments »

Empty Love Bucket: The Stone Wall That Separates

The term stonewalling defines the act of stalling, evading, blocking, or resisting. The image below of a stone wall used as a fortress makes it hard for people to get in (or out) and is used for defense.  Stonewalling is also refusing to answer or cooperate.  The term stonewalling also originates in Britain to obstruct (the passage of a legislative bill) in Parliament, especially by excessive or prolonged debate.

thewallthatseparates

What does this have to do with filling The Love Bucket? 

Have a look at this chart:

The 4 Difficult Ds and The 5 Awesome As focus-get-love-bucket-filled

Being defensive puts a wall up between you and your lover. You detach.  If you despise or have feelings of contempt and disapproval that builds walls between both of you.

Typically, despising, disapproving, becoming defensive and detaching, are in reaction to something.  If your lady is acting this way it is because her love bucket is probably not being filled by her top rings of desire.

As the man in the relationship,  if you try to fill her love bucket when she is displaying one or more of the 4 Difficult Ds then you efforts will wind up like this:

bucketdrawingMissed

 

Connection fosters attachment. She must be accessible, open and vulnerable to receive the love you share when filling her love bucket. This requires trust.

  • Do you show your appreciation? (with her special ring of desire)
  • Does she feel adored?
  • Does she show her admiration to you?

Whether it is you that is being defensive and stonewalling or her, it can become a vicious cycle.  Someone has to break down the wall, communicate, initiate contact and connect.

Check out the 5 Love Dynamics for more information.

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

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