Is deep intimacy is lacking in your relationship?
It is understandable why so few couples reach the level of deep, deep intimacy.
Vulnerability can be downright scary.
Filling The Love Bucket® is an easy concept but their may be obstacles in your way.
Perhaps you’ve been hurt once or many times when you exposed your deepest longings and passions. But chances are you haven’t even come close to experiencing mutual vulnerability in your relationships.
Here are some steps you can take to deepen the intimacy and the Sex Ring of Desire with your partner.
1. Take baby steps. Don’t share your entire life story when you are new in a relationship. If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, don’t suddenly *spill your guts* about everything you’ve ever thought of, dreamed of, fantasized about. Build your castle one brick at a time.
Whenever you have the opportunity (date night for instance) share maybe one new thing that you’ve never talked about before. Taking your time will not only build trust, it will build a stronger foundation for your relationship to rest upon.
2. Make time and space for deep sharing. It is hard to share personal thoughts and ideas if you have kids running around or while sitting in the spectator stands at a sports match.
Seek out private places like parks, nature walks, candlelit dining tables or even backyards watching fireflies. Sometimes having a beverage and/or a snack can help slow you down and give you enough time to begin some important conversations.
3. Talk about intimate issues. You can’t grow deeply if all you ever talk about is the kids and work. Your sexual life is (or will be if you are working towards that goal) an incredibly important part of cementing you two together. The bonds you build are directly related to how open and honest each of you can be about your intimate desires.
Bringing up "sex talk" can be uncomfortable, can’t it? And depending on how you approach it, the questions and answers might be so vague that you really don’t accomplish much.
One of the best ways I discovered to make these discussions fun and non-threatening is to make our way through a list of questions that someone else wrote so there isn’t that feeling of "I wonder why he/she is asking that question".
Michael has used the experience of helping couples over the last 20 years to create a resource that will help create the deep intimacy you crave.
An effective way to go through questions like this is to have them on your night stand or even cut up and put in a jar or box where you pull out one or more to answer.
Deep intimacy takes time and effort to achieve but like building a castle a brick at a time you eventually have a fortress that can weather almost any attack.
Shine up the Sex Ring of Desire and Fill The Love Bucket®!
Fill Her Love Bucket. So much easier to say. but how to do it? Sex is the red hot ring of desire…but HOW do you turn her on and fill her love bucket and truly satisfy her again and again?
When you ask people about their sex lives. . . they lie!
If you look at the data about the actual content they view (on the internet) you get a much more viable picture of reality.
The author, Ogi Jonathan Ogas received doctoral training as a computational neuroscientist and wrote a book called, A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What The Internet Tells Us About Sexual Relationships. He and Sai Gaddam analyzed the sexual terms used in web searches by approximately 100 million internet users. Not surprising, 90% of internet search regarding sex was done by males. But more important, the authors compared pornography to romance novels and discovered how women are turned on as compared to what turns men on.
The findings in the book are based on a high volume of actions people take instead of statistically projecting outcomes based on what a sample of say they do. That’s a vital and gigantic difference that gives incredible credence to the findings.
Her Primal Sex Triggers
HER SEXUAL DESIRES
Instead of taking surveys where people "self-report" their sexual preferences, the authors looked at search data and adult site niche data to see what people REALLY DESIRE versus what they say they do.
Of the many fascinating discoveries in A Billion Wicked Thoughts is the difference between what kind of sexual content men consume versus women. The authors, connect the dots from online behavior all the way back to the places in the brain the content stimulates and what the neuro-biological effects are on our relationship dynamics.
Why do you care? Because, as a man, if you understand how to feed her primal sexual needs, you can increase her self-esteem, feelings of worthiness and create a safe environment for her to really feel into her true desires without inhibitions.
Here’s a perfect example of the difference between men and women. The first part won’t surprise you. The data underscores what we already assume from experience.
Men like to look at a LOT of images of body parts. Specifically they like to see breasts, hips, butts and feet as well as feminine facial features. No surprise. What’s interesting is that men enjoy seeing high volumes of individual images of these parts, even without the rest of the body attached. Show them 100 pictures of boobs and they are excited, whereas women are not engaged by disembodied booties, no matter how luscious and plush. These signals of fertility are hard-wired into the desire center of men’s brains.
What Turns Women On?
Women, on the other hand, don’t care as much about the parts and prefer the emotional interaction between men and women.
Think “romance novel.”
Romance novels are a $Billion plus dollar a year business, as is porn.
“To put these numbers in perspective, about 100 million men in the United States and Canada accessed online porn in 2008 — just slightly more than the number of romance readers.”
Romance is female porn.
Women want to be desired. They want to feel sexually irresistible and adored. Those are the two fundamental psychological cues required by women to feel attraction. A quote by Swiss author, Anne Louise Germaine de Staël-Holstein sums up the pull between the male and female beautifully. . .
“The desire of the man is for the woman; the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.”
2 Fundamental Sexual Cues For Women <=== According To A Billion Datapoints
#1 Being desired is very arousing to a woman.
So gentlemen, this means: Let her know you desire her!
Apparently, the desire to be desired “appears to be a primal component of female sexuality, as basic as a man’s urge to chase and seduce.” The authors go on to explain that the need to feel irresistible is the reason women enter wet tee-shirt contests, go wild on spring break and text (sext) their lovers sexy pictures of themselves.
#2 The second primal trigger is the desire to be adored. The classic story arc of a romance novel requires the hero to love the heroine for her unique and special qualities. He would be a rogue sea captain or busy doctor or a cowboy on the range if she wasn’t able to capture his heart with her remarkable set of attributes. It’s for these attributes that she wants to be loved. When you focus your appreciation on what is unique and special about her, she can truly BELIEVE that you adore her.
“There’s a fascinating parallel between what may be the greatest sexual self-delusion in men, and the greatest sexual self-delusion in women. Men are quite prone to believing they are inducing feelings of erotic ecstasy in their partner through their own sexual prowess. Women, on the other hand, are more easily manipulated by expressions of love.” — A Billion Wicked Thoughts (Book)
Finally, the authors made a list of all the emotional and psychological cues required to women may need to check off their list before they can truly give themselves over to their lust. How a man looks, including his height, his social standing, his personality match with hers, his level of commitment to her, how authentic he is emotionally to her (including his vulnerabilities), how confident he is, whether he wants a similar family orientation to his woman and what kind of family situation he comes from, his attitude toward children, his kindness and even his smell are all of vital importance to a woman’s decision to be sexual.
There are many cues you can share with a woman about this “laundry list” of her perfect man that will help her feel more comfortable in making love to you, because the more of these cues you satisfy, the more likely she is to want you.
Above all, success with a woman must be deeply entrenched in how you make her feel adored and irresistible. Remember those two primal sex triggers.
Once you know this simple information about what women want, a man can easily nourish the primal cravings beneath our inhibitions! And as women, they can be more in tune with where desire comes from and why the lust women feel is natural.
Can asking questions make you fall in love with someone and fill The Love Bucket? Apparently, YES! But they have to be the right questions.
These 36 questions are based on a study of interpersonal closeness by the psychologist Arthur Aron and others to explore whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions.
The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. To quote from the study, “One key pattern associated with the development of a close relationship among peers is sustained, escalating, reciprocal, personal self-disclosure.” Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.
The 36 questions takes about 45 minutes to discuss. The study that was conducted in 1997 is broken up into three sets of questions, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
In addition to the 36 questions, the experience of “eye-gazing” can be disarming and create a bond. It you try this for four minutes — staring into each other’s eyes consistently — this will bring up emotions including fear and vulnerability but as you pass the two minute mark the connection grows. Try this after you’ve gone through the 36 questions to deepen your tie.
Take turns answering each question. The term partner is used in the question set and this can be done with dating couples, married couples, and new romantic interests.
Set I Questions that make couples fall deeply in love
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II Questions that make couples fall deeply in love
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III Questions that make couples fall deeply in love
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
These questions have gone viral numerous times. This year it began early and again around Valentine’s Day when love is on everyone’s mind. The psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory more than 20 years ago at SUNY University at Stony Brook and this study is still getting play today.
Is courage the missing link?
Being “Bold” is definitely one way that creates attraction and leads to you filling her love bucket! My friend Adam Gilad speaks about this.
Another friend said that when he started working on himself, which is a great place to start to be better in any relationship and to attract a woman, his very first coach gave him the opportunity to study courage and cowardice at close range.
Success begins with desire. People all desire success but they don’t always know how to achieve it.
Desire you say? Like the 7 Rings of Desire of the Love Bucket? Yes, it is desire, just a different form of desire.
A man who is a Masterman has this desire mastered so that it channels into success in all aspects of his life. So just what is it that always stops a man becoming a Masterman and from achieving success?
It’s always the same thing. Even though I’ve heard it described a thousand different ways, it’s always the same thing. It’s never about the money or circumstance or time. It’s fear. That’s right, FEAR is all that’s in your way!
"I’m afraid if I go after this woman, she’ll reject me. I’m afraid if I went for my dream, I would lose my security. I’m afraid my wife wouldn’t understand if I did this. I’m afraid I don’t know how to do it. I’m afraid I won’t have time. Etc, etc."
Do you hear yourself in these words? Most people would admit that most of their life they wrestle with these same fears. The inner coward stops you.
When you take charge of your own life it is the introduction of boldness.
Courage can become the driving force in your life to overcome fear. Some guys have turned becoming courageous into an obsession to overcome fear.
Have you heard of The Serenity Prayer. The prayer goes like this "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
My friend who started into his personal development quest (and who had gone through chemo) always secretly called that prayer "The Courage Prayer" NOT The Serenity Prayer. What he wanted from that prayer was the coverage. The courage to change the things he could. How would that be? Forget serenity for now. That could come later when he was enjoying the benefits of a life well lived.
Courage is all any of the men I have known have ever really wanted. Though they call it a thousand different things. Courage is always what is missing. In all quests for success, what people really want to be is fearless!
The book, The Law of Success, by Napoleon Hill was published initially in 1928 as a multi-volume correspondence course and later more compact formats in recent years. The Law of Success was first used as a lecture, and was delivered by its author in practically every city and in many smaller localities, throughout the United States over a period of more than seven years.
The work was originally commissioned at the request of Andrew Carnegie at the conclusion of a multi-day interview with Hill, and was based upon interviews of over 100 American millionaires across nearly 20 years, including such self-made industrial giants as Henry Ford, J.P. Morgan, John D. Rockefeller, Alexander Graham Bell, and Thomas Edison. Men who were luminaries and who had courage to create the new.
Here’s what Napoleon Hill used to maintain confidence and guide his actions to being courageous each and every day:
I believe in myself. I believe in those who work with me. I believe in my clients, friends and my family. I believe that God will lend me everything I need with which to succeed if I do my best to earn it through faithful and honest service.
I believe in prayer and I will never close my eyes in sleep without praying for divine guidance to the end that I will be patient with other people and tolerant with those who do not believe as I do.
I believe that success is the result of intelligent effort and do not depend upon luck or sharp practices or double crossing friends, fellow men or my employer. I believe I will get out of life exactly what I put into it; therefore I will be careful to conduct myself toward others as I would want them to act toward me. I will not slander those whom I do not like.
I will not slight my work no matter what I may see others doing. I will render the best service of which I am capable because I have pledged myself to succeed in life and I know that success is always the result of conscientious and efficient effort.
Finally, I will forgive those who offend me because I realize that I shall sometimes offend others and I will need their forgiveness.
How you conduct yourself in one part of your life shows up in another. Bold Courage and actions taken with confidence are essential to success. The woman in your life knows that about you. Have the courage to fill her love bucket.
The Love Linguist Recommends Reading: The Law of Success, by Napoleon Hill
Do you want her addicted to you?
Send her sexy texts.
The power of texting lies in its addictive pleasures.
One in three people would give up sex rather than give up their mobile phones.
Sex is only one of many daily passions people are willing to forgo (source LikesUP.com)
To unlock this texting power and use it for your benefit, check out the reasons why mobile phones are so addictive.
What is it about what she gets from her mobile phones, and the role texting plays in her everyday lives, that gives them such power, and drives women to crave a ‘sexy text’ so badly?
It turns out that the same reasons mobile phones are so captivating fall into seven categories. Not the 7 Rings of Desire, but just one of the rings of desire: The Contact Ring of Desire.
The addiction to mobile is the b-spot’s instinctual attraction to the 7 categories that can be activated by her Contact Ring of Desire: power of now, surprises, rewards, simplicity, free, fun and prizes.
She is addicted to new and now
The b-spot brain gives priority to new information over old information. She feels compelled to answer or look at her mobile phone when it buzzes even if she is driving on the freeway.
Her b-spot is hard-wired to crave the new. What is “New” is treated as inherently better.
Why is she addicted to right ‘now’?
Psychologists have long known that the brain has a weakness when it comes to the here and now.
When it comes to long range planning, human beings are reasonably rational.
Most people making plans can choose wisely and with logic. But when it comes to what she would like right now, her willpower collapses and the most exciting option wins.
Her ability to resist desire in the present shares a frightening similarity to the resolve of an ant.
In planning mode, she can think ahead and make good decisions, but, in the here and now, her skepticism collapses. This irrationality is compounded because the smartphone is for most people all about new and now information.
One of the primary functions of the smartphone is to constantly alert its user to the availability of new information for immediate consumption – new status update, new text message, application update, incoming call – the phone is effectively a new information input firehouse for the human brain. And a sexy text will start at the top of her mind and ease down into her loins.
You may plan out your sexy texts but she gets it mere seconds. And that turns her on!
You can start getting her hot and excited with the anticipation of what’s to come (and hopefully you will both be coming!).
Switch her b-spot on with a sexy text and this creates a new context in messaging her.
She is addicted to surprises
Part of the huge appeal of mobile phones is their unpredictability. When she hears hers buzz, she has no idea what might be in store for her, and that in turn is massively irresistible and motivating.
A famous experiment found that surprising rewards were three times as motivating as predictable rewards.
Children were asked to draw with crayons. Half were promised candy if the drew, and half were promised nothing.
All children received candy at the end of the day, half received a predictable reward of candy, half as a surprising reward of candy.
What happened next is what is important. The researchers watched the children the next day to see what happened. The kids that received the surprising reward spent three times as much time drawing with crayons as those who received the predictable reward.
The mobile phone is a 24/7, all-the-time surprise machine in your pocket, and surprises are often key components of the most successful mobile apps. What tantalizing tease do you have in store for her in a sexy text?
She is addicted to rewards
The b-spot’s response to a human smile is equivalent to the brains response to 2,000 bars of chocolate. The Contact Ring of Desire works in conjunction with simple material rewards (Provision Ring of Desire) and often trumps it.
Clearly, the power of mobile phones lies in its ability to connect with her socially, and immediately. She feels the connection especially if her phone is on vibrate. When she gets her sexy text, she thinks: “He wants me. He thinks I’m sexy. I want him. I want to be with him. Oh… what I like him to do with my body…” It is suggestive “dirty talk” without the talking.
If she is into you, you can be witty, charming or provocative at any time if you follow some sexy texting methods. Taps into her most primordial needs with a little help.
She’ll become addicted to your sexy texts and literally cannot get enough of them and of you.
She is addicted to simple
If the desire for new, surprising, and sexy has not already made her addicted to you, consider the power of simple. The simpler something is to do, the more likely she is to do it, regardless of the rational costs or benefits.
The key to activating simplicity in with sexy texts revolves almost exclusively around removing friction from activities that were previously harder to accomplish.
Take charge and text her exactly what you are going to do to her step by step… she will fall under your spell. But make her wait in between each step, vary the texts to keep the element of surprise.
She is addicted to free
Remove the obstacles that make her naturally wary. The lack of work or effort on her part, is essentially free, and therefore is irresistible.
True, free for her means using up some your time to craft a text (or just copy from a list of great sexy texts), but for her, if she just has to show up, she is far more giving of time with you.
With sexy texts, her willingness to spend time with you is profound. Especially if you are trying to get her back.
Your sexy texts convey she is a priority. She’ll be eager to be with you.
She is addicted to fun
The love biochemicals are based on the same things that addicts crave. Fun is our heroin.
Fun is its own reward and does not ask for anything in return. It is an immediate reward.
Would you rather being playing Angry Birds or having a sexual tryst with your lover? Add the fun element to your sexy texts.
Sometimes fun is what you need to turn your sexy text into an undeniable turn on.
She is addicted to prizes
While she is addicted to now, rewards, surprising, simple, free and fun, you can also reel her in with an interesting human vice: she hates leaving a task undone.
This is the b-spot open loop that must be closed. She is compelled to “win her prize” by completing her mission or goal whatever that may be. And if your sexy text is telling a story, you become her happy ending.
Men and particularly women, hate leaving something unfinished that they have already started.
Reeling her in with texts that “tell a story” keeps her curiosity in place and is at the heart of creating the desire that will turn on her Sex Ring of Desire. How you evoke her emotion has her longing for your touch and for you to release her sexual tension into an ultimate climax.
Men that can transform their isolated sexual encounters with their lovers into part of a larger long-term goal (with variations to keep the surprise and curiosity) are tapping into her hard-wired desire to finish what has been activated, even if she did not know she were starting anything. So you open another loop in the b-spot with a text message with more anticipation of a future rendezvous. She will become addicted.
SO WHAT now?
Sexy texts taps into her desire for now, surprises, simple, rewards, free, fun and prizes – desires that our b-spot brain finds irresistible.
Are you a man that can use these principles in your sexy text messages? If yes, then you are poised to make your lover as addicted to you.
If you have question about how sexy texts can fill her love bucket, check this out.