No is a very powerful word.

It’s one too easily spoken, as any parent of a small child will tell you. It’s also detrimental to your love and sex life, because it’s an absolute brick wall of resistance.

The minute a potential lover or your current wife or girlfriend says no, you’ve either lost a night of passion or possibly a lifetime of love. You will have to pull out some pretty convincing arguments to sway her back to a YES. Chances are you’re not going to make it.

It’s much harder to change her mind when it’s already made up.

Here are practical tips on how to turn a woman’s no into yes, where you’ll learn specific resistance you’ll face and how to magically turn it into passion and love.

First, Address the Doubts

To believe that a woman is immediately going say, “This guy is exactly who I want – or – This guy is the man I want to take home tonight,” is a belief best left to delusional dreamers. (Of which you are not one, because only smart guys read the love bucket blog.)

Everyone has doubts. You have them, I have them, potential lover or current lady has them.

Now, no one enjoys having doubts, because they make us feel worried and uncertain and unsure. That’s not a good place to be, and instinctively, we know it. So we seek reassurance that erases our doubts and takes them away.

We look to be confident. When we feel confident, we feel able to make good decisions that are right for — which include, of course, saying, “Yes, this is exactly what I need.”

So address those doubts in your interactions. Put them on the table right from the start. Show her that you know she has concerns and worries, and give her the appropriate answer that provides reassurance to her.

This doesn’t mean raising questions that weren’t there to begin with. What it means is acknowledging potential questions and concerns and responding to them appropriately before the she picks her own response that might be NO.

The Best Example: Your Local Garage

Boats and cars are often given a woman’s name. Sometimes women think guys love their cars more than them. They spend time shining, polishing, and driving the “mistress.”

So, following the car theme, here’s an example of how you can address your lady’s doubts:

Let’s say your garage mechanic tells you that repairing your car will cost you $800. You can bet that you’ll have buyer resistance, and it’s highly unlikely that you’ll say, “This is exactly what I need!”

It’s far more likely you’re already trying to figure out how to get out of paying that amount.

Then your mechanic says, “I’m sure you’re wondering how necessary it is to repair these parts.” And he proceeds to tell you exactly how unsafe your car becomes if you don’t have them repaired — and if you have kids, he points out, and their safety means everything.

Then your mechanic says, “Now I know you’re probably wondering whether you can wait a while. But let me explain why that’s a bad idea.” He goes on to show how much more costly repairs will be if you don’t get this fixed soon.

By now, you’re not thinking about how to get out of the repairs. You’re into thinking about where you’ll get the money to pay for it all. You’ve already started moving from no to yes.

The mechanic doesn’t really know what’s going through your mind, but what he’s doing is covering his bases. He’s presuming you might have doubts, he’s assuming which doubts you might have, and he’s addressing them before you even voice them aloud.

If he guesses wrong? No problem — call it extra bonus arguments. You know, just in case. And if he guesses right? Then you haven’t had to say a word, and you have all the answers you need.

Be that proactive in your interactions. Assume the arguments, address them with confidence, reassure your lady and you’ll be turning no into yes before you know it.

How do you feel about addressing doubts in your interactions? Are you great at dismantling arguments? Do you hate forking money over to the auto-garage? And how reassured will she be when her doubts are addressed?

The War of the Sexes is One Filled With Battles

It’s your style, words, actions and integrity that will sway her, and her defensive shields are strong — so very strong. Each time you valiantly knock down an argument she’s presented, verbally or silently, another flies up, as if she’s creating them right out of thin air.

=> “You aren’t forcing her to say yes; you’re taking away her reasons to say no.”

SHE holds all the power, the final decision, the last word. But if you’ve played your cards right and taken away all her reasons to say no, the only word she’ll have left to say is, “YES.”

How do you take away her reasons to say no? Here are five ways to do just that:

“I Don’t Need You.”

When she tells you, verbally or silently, she doesn’t need you what she’s really saying is that she doesn’t want you – RIGHT NOW. There’s a huge difference between need and want and timing.

Take the lowly car, for example. We don’t need more than a basic box with wheels that gets us from A to B, but we consistently buy vehicles that offer far more luxury, bells and whistles — and we pay dearly for them too.

What you do as a Masterman, is turn needs into wants. Tell her why she wants you and start with gestures, innuendo, create intrigue, and a sense of mystery. Get her juices flowing. Get down and dirty in desire, play up how much her life will change for the better and let her visualize how fantastic her future will be – or the evening. You’ll be changing “I don’t need you” into “I want you so bad I can taste it” in no time.

“I’m Busy.”

Let’s face it. When she wants something — really, really wants something — she’ll find a way to make it happen. She’ll put on the right clothes, strut around, make those come hither glances. She’ll wear those stiletto heels until she’s straining. She’ll even go into debt to buy a dress if she thinks it will help her hook her man.

What you need to make sure she wants you and then you need to make sure YOU ARE *THE* PRIORITY above all other guys in her universe. Show her the benefits you offer and convey the value of what you bring to her.

Make her laugh. Make her an offer too good to pass up. Make it unmistakably clear to her that turning away from you now means losing out in the long run. And make it irresistible — she can’t afford not to take you up on your offer.

“Hmmm… Maybe Later.”

If she’s not feeling the need to give you her attention right now, there’s been a misfire on the priority front. You can guarantee she won’t be back, because out of sight is out of mind. Or, maybe she actually does want to think over her decision to be sure it’s the right one for her (which is fine), but to leave her thinking too long without some form of contact, well, she’ll just plain forget.

Or something more important comes up. And there’s no time left for you.

Convey the priority for her consider your offer now. Give it a timeframe with a “reward” like you’ll give her the foot massage or her dreams (women love this especially if they don’t think there are any strings attached) Give rewards for her “YES” so she’s looking forward to being with you.

“I Don’t Really Know Who You Are.”

If you are trying to meet women and this is your first encounter, this really means, “Why should I date… YOU?” And this baby is a big one these days, with all sorts of unknown guys cropping up with slick lines and cocky claims. No gal wants to risk wasting her time (read: looks and fertility) on some guy who’s a loser.

Show her you’re trustworthy by showing her you’re a gentleman. Eventually she’ll ask about your details: credentials, skills, background, history and family that she’ll need to trust and believe you are who you say you are. Downplay the weird stuff at the beginning (everyone has some) and talk up the things you have in common. Yes, ask her what she likes so you can see if you have anything in common more than sexual chemistry.

She’ll read you fast enough, so be honest; it shows.

The Value of No

If you don’t get the date or the evening of romance you hoped for, don’t despair. There’s a positive in every negative, which means there’s a yes in every no.

There’s a learning experience in why your she didn’t go out on a date or take you up on your sizzling evening offer. Take the opportunity to climb into her head and find out what you need to understand. There are 7 Ways to Fill Her Love Bucket. And there are 5 Love Dynamics. Learn more so you can be a masterman with women.

Which means less “NO” the next time.

You’re not going to change their mind; she’s said no already TODAY, but you do have another chance.

If she did say “YES” at some point after, ask her what might have swayed her to say yes. You’ll probably be surprised at her answer. By understanding what makes her tick you’ll just get better and better at her saying “YES” the next time.

Sherrie Rose Recommends: Filling Her Love Bucket! 

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Authorship: This blogpost is modified from the original by James Chartrand. James is an in-demand web copywriter, author, online business consultant and owner of the leading web design and copywriting agency, Men with Pens. Click here to visit Men with Pens, and while you’re at it, follow James on Twitter.

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Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with bonus link

Recently I read an email targeting guys who want to pick-up women.
Here’s what they say the 3 HOTTEST TOPICS are for guys who date:

Dating Science. It is basic and simple psychology. It is basic and simple physical attraction. We are marvelous creatures, the human. Simple, yet so terribly complicated.

For topic one, it relates to context and the environment. I love to dance and you may often find me dancing on top of the speakers tho’ not a club.

What age are the guys who go to clubs and what’s their mentality? Not so much chronological age but mental age. The same night lays occur if you go to clubs and probably want to tell all the guys about your conquests.

Clubs, they are flashing neon for “pick up.” Easy pickin’s in the clubs because of the context and environment.

(Booty call: If she only wants her “honey love pot” filled then you may get lucky.)

But the gals who want their love bucket filled aren’t looking for a one night stand.

Topic two: Seductive and erotic text messages can ramp up the desire and passion. But if too quickly consummated the value diminishes. Men who pay for sex are willing to pay top dollar while aroused and before the act, and after being serviced, the value of the call girl is gone. So is respect.

Love is not a game. Getting a phone number, albeit important, is only the first step. Guys that want a real woman in their life do not want to play games. Yes, they tease and banter, but love is not a game. Lovematism is a BOND between lovers. Love is fun and flirtatious but it is not a game.

Topic three: Back to the clubs. It is a pick-up scene. So the “day game” as it is now being called apparently represents the highest quality women. Why, because high quality women don’t want to be picked up by men who want same night lays.

I get that sex is on the mind of men. In fact, the sex drive portion of the male brain is 2.5 times larger in men. They are driven by the primal urge to merge sexually. It is good and healthy. And, the young men who want many conquests will find women who just as easily want sex (that honey love pot wants action too). But one night stands leave out respect.

Because so many men of all ages confide in me, I know men want love not just sex. I also know that there is a time that THE SHIFT happens and guys go from DFS to DFL (dating for love). I also know that commitment is a big deal for guys and that they are driven for sex even when they are not at capable of commitment for a number of valid reasons. (See urban dictionary: The Shift)

What is sad is when a woman wants love and falls for the pick-up lines and allows her body to take over (the libido is a very powerful thing…) and then she feels hurt that the sex she has just had is only a one night stand. This has happened to high quality women.

At the end of the day, or the morning after, it is your personal choice. If you want and attract one night stands you may get your body satisfied. Short-term relief, barely satisfaction.

Eventually the longing for lovematism takes over. Then guys WANT to fill her love bucket with the words and actions that keep a women’s attention focused on you. Real LOVE renews and expands with each love-making session.

She’s Happy, He Wins, and Your Sex Life is Enhanced. That’s the Love Bucket® Formula!

For programs and classes on love and sexuality, see the Love Linguist.

Sherrie Rose Recommends: Filling Her Love Bucket! 

~~~~

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with bonus link

General George Washington was reeling from his crushing defeats in New York. In a bold and daring move, he had decided to cross the ice-filled Delaware River and attack Trenton, New Jersey. He planned to surprise the thousands of Hessian troops guarding that portal.

He did not know that his surprise attack was almost no surprise.

A farmer, a British sympathizer knocked on the door where the Hessian Commander, Colonel Johann Rall was attending a holiday party. Colonel Rall had always scoffed at the thought of attack, boasting, “Those clod-hoppers will not attack us!”

The farmer had heard of the plans and seen the movement across the shore. He wanted to get the message to the Colonel but he could not get past a servant who accepted a note which spelled out General Washington’s plans and handed it to the commander. Colonel Rall, however, was in the middle of a card game and would not be interrupted. He stuffed the paper in his pocket without even glancing at it. He continued playing through the night until he collapsed from drunken exhaustion.

At dawn, Washington attacked. His ammunition was so waterlogged that his troops could hardly fire a shot. They did not need to. The Hessians were drowsy from the previous night’s festivities and the Colonial Army’s bayonets were as sharp as the troops’ spirit.

After an overwhelming onslaught in which the colonists took nearly 900 prisoners, Colonel Rall who was mortally wounded, surrendered. As the doctor cut away his jacket, a note fell out. Colonel Rall read it and mournfully said, “If I only had read this last night, I would not be here today.”

~~~

It takes effort to plan and prepare and fill the love bucket.  What has you so busy that you forget to give the proper attention to filling the love bucket? 

It may not be a matter of life or death, but every little bit of effort fills the love bucket.  Consistency and regular effort wins the day!

~~~

Sherrie Rose Recommends: Filling Her Love Bucket! 

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with bonus link

Love is all around us! Happy Fourth of July!
Sunday, July 4th, 2010

	Love is all around us! "Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along." ~Rumi
	"A man has only one escape from his old self – to see a different self in the mirror of some woman’s eyes." Clare Boothe Luce
	Love me and always give me what I want the most, freedom to love myself. ~Roy E. Klienwachter
See my holiday message: http://myholidaymessage.com	Love and kisses, Sherrie Rose The Love Linguist

Have a happy, safe Independence Day Holiday!

Is seeing believing?  Most people believe their eyes.

What you focus on expands.  What you perceived is based on your focus.

So, men, if you are putting effort into fill your lady’s love bucket, and she appears oblivious, there may be more to it than meets the eye.

And, ladies, if you think he is “not telling the truth” when he does not see the great big pile of dirt, he may very well be completely honest.

It has to do with your level focus and the INTENSITY of that focus.  You CAN block out everything else.  Actually, when you habituate to noises in a big city you learn to block out the noises of sirens, meowing cats, and traffic. This “tuning out” is part how we train our brains.

For new situations, you begin focus intently.  Remember when you first started to learn to drive?  Now when you drive, you do so many things naturally, without consciously thinking.

So, perception, what we SEE, can be an illusion.  Give your girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/lover some slack and turn on your emotional intellisense and social intellisense.  Sense their focus and intensity of focus.

Check out this video on Perception. 

We see what we expect and our visual attention is NOT like a camera that picks everything up.  The failure of awareness is not intentional.  The failure of awareness is a form of misdirection and because you are directing your focus onto one area the eliminates seeing details in another.  That’s why when you lose your keys and ask someone else to find them, and the keys are right under your nose, it is because their level of awareness focuses differently than yours.  It is part of attention.  And visual attention is dependent.  (Gals, you really need to remember this because guys can get SO laser-focused, they stop seeing and hearing.)

In the book, The Invisible Gorilla the author’s aim is to show how easy it is to miss things that are right in front of us when we’re not looking out for them, and how illusions and distorted beliefs lead us astray every day.

They cover what they consider to be six of the most common intuitive errors:

• inattentional blindness (failing to see things that are in plain sight);
• the belief that our memories are more reliable than they are;
• the tendency to think someone is competent if they are confident;
• the illusion of knowledge (we know much less than we think);
• the assumption that things that occur together must be causally related; 
• and the increasingly popular notion that cognitive exercises make us smarter (in fact, physical exercise has a much stronger effect on us).

If you are trying to fill her love bucket and she does not notice, it may because of unattentional blindness.  Remember, your intention, not her sometimes blind intuition, is what counts even if she does not see it right away.  It’s those relevant everyday situations, the daily business of living, that appear to miss seeing the details when you are focused to the “disappearance” of all else around you.  Don’t take it so personally.  Just keep filling the love bucket. It’s all good.

Original Study on Perception

http://wjh-www.harvard.edu/~cfc/Simons1999.pdf

Sherrie Rose Recommends the book: The Invisible Gorilla And Other Ways Our Intuitions Deceive Us

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with bonus link

Study: Selfish Lovers Are Better in Bed

A new study defies the common belief that those who focus on their partners’ needs in bed make the best lovers. The findings were presented at the Association for Psychological Science convention in Boston and conducted by Kwantlen Polytechnic University’s Hayley Leveque and Cory Pederson.

The researchers studied 60 couples, two groups Under 26 & Over 30 ~ half of whom were between the ages of 18 and 25 and the other half over the age of 30. Participants were asked about their motivations for having sex and their levels of sexual satisfaction with their current partners. Their motivations for having sex included "horniness" and wanting to feel good. The over-30 group stated different reasons for having sex, including wanting to show love and affection for their partner as a reason for engaging in sexual activity.  Summary: Under 26 Sex = Relieve Horniness, Get Pleasure \ Over 30 Sex = Show love and affection (in addition to Relieve Horniness, Get Pleasure).  The younger age group tended to be more sexually self-focused.

"We found that as a partner’s sexual self-focus decreased, their partner’s satisfaction decreased," says Leveque. "You would think it would be exactly the opposite, with a partner being more attentive to the other partner’s needs, but that’s not what we found. It was sort of counterintuitive."

~~~~~~~~~~

I agree: "We have to be generous as lovers, and yet, selfish at the same time."  That is part of Sexual Dimension.

How can we feel sinfully lustful without losing that loving heart connection?

Sexual Dimension is to know how to merging these two the polarities of expressing lust and tenderness in the same love-making session. To go from a gentle, sensitive sexual encounter into a rough, animalistic sweat-fest so that you get your sexual needs filled and titillate and turn on your lover at the same time.

Sexual dimension allows lovers to express intense passion and loving intimacy at the same moment. It’s about bringing the bond of lovematism into a sizzling physical expression that manifests the divine. It’s a spiritual and mystical connection, but it’s also hot and steamy. . Sex includes orgasm; but the sexual dimension goes beyond as you explore and know every aspect of each other fully and deeply.

For the average person, sexual multidimensional experiences are a mystery.

You must be able to open yourself up on all levels, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually to bond in lovematism. Leave behind the issues of control, trust, childhood, family parents, religion, culture, personal fears, and other sexual complexes.

The perfect place to explore is in a committed relationship where you can express your sexual feelings for a fuller, richer experience of multi-dimensional sex.

"We have to be generous as lovers, and yet, selfish at the same time," said Patti Britton. "Sex is a partner dance. One of the reasons that people don’t experience the full capacity of their sexual pleasure is that they’re hung up on whether they’re doing a good enough job."

Sometimes, you need to understand more, and both men and women want to know how to have amazing sex.  One of the keys is knowing the specifics of Female Orgasm.  You can learn more here: http://FemaleOrgasmExplained.com (you must enter your email to get the details)

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with bonus link

"It is not what you give, but the spirit (your intention) in which you give that counts." ~ @Sherrie Rose http://twitter.com/sherrierose

There are different levels or ways of giving.

This is not just in your intimate relationships, but with friends, in your community, in your business and professional life, and in your charitable contributions. These fill the personal and the life “love bucket.”

1. Tit for Tat (As my Dad liked to say). I give to you so you give back to me.
   The intention here is that there is an exchange and I am doing this for my own benefit. It is not anonymous because to get the RETURN “something” whether it is physical or material, whether it is a kind word or compliment, whether is it to add to your ego or self-aggrandizement; it is giving with a catch. There is the requirement, whether direct or indirect for reciprocation. The key here is INTENTION. Do you pre-mediate the outcome and the desire for a return something as in the quid pro quo: "something for something"?
2. The Spirit of Love In The Form of Charity. Giving from the heart (see more here: http://fyera.com) to expand the heart.. This is giving out of pure love. The etymology of the word "charity" comes from through the Old French word "charité" which was derived from the Latin "caritas". "Caritas" or love also looks like the root of the word CARE.  Caring for another by giving charity. This act of giving charity is selfless. It is true that we are often reminded that we can benefit with a tax-deductible donation when we give charity. If the tax-deduction is the intention, then is more like the first level, Tit for Tat/Quid pro quo. If the intent in mind is to add to the sum total of love in the world by helping another, then it is real charity. In modern usage, per Wikipedia, charity definition: the practice of charity means the giving of help to those in need who are not related to the giver. This would be filling the love bucket of a complete stranger.  Spiritual and Religious wisdom from many walks of life are part of the Love Bucket LIFESTYLE RING OF DESIRE.
3. Giving It All. The ultimate generosity of spirit.  It is mutual sharing. There is no separation between giver and receiver. You offer up your whole of yourself, and in return life makes you more whole.  This is really filling the love bucket. The love bucket expands to receive more love and in turn you have more love to share. A real miracle. Knowing the great power of the universe, the infinite intelligence, the creator, God, is behind every action, thought, word and deed, the cycles always returns to the source. So, there is no need to make giving be about the WIIFM “What’s In It For Me” attitude. Feel that everything your have is borrowed including your brains and therefore giving is easy. You know that there are infinite resources in universe and massive abundance. IT is all about sharing. This is all part of the circuit of transformation that can occur with sharing.

http://lovebucketblog.com/239/her-love-bucket-fills-up-with-sharing-and-receiving/

When the spirit of life really sinks in, and we realize the incredible gift we’ve received, the only possible act of appreciation is to give back with equal generosity. It is all about sharing.

In other words, sharing should be twenty-four hours a day. At the level of spirit you can share and give of yourself completely. We are all evolving toward as we learn and develop ourselves

When we love we give. When we make love we fill the love bucket. The more love we make the more peace in the world. When you share, respect, revere life, violence disappears. We are all connected to one another, and by magic, every gift you give becomes a gift to yourself.

Napoleon Hill said, “Action is the real measure of intelligence.”  Act now by giving and sharing.

Share today. Fill the love bucket.

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with bonuses

However it is
However it turned out
Wherever you are
Whatever you are doing
With your kids
Without your kids
Greetings
No Greetings

Just know this
This one thing
This real thing

Your never alone
It passes
It heals
They love you

And if you’re stuck today
You can unstick

If you are lost
You can be found

You are always loved
Your kids love you

You are always DAD

*~A.F.S.~*

Reprinted with permission by *~A.F.S.~*
Father’s Day 2010
http://myholidaymessage.com

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with a link for instant digital download of FREE ebook

HEART AND LUNGS, LIFE AND ENERGY

Imagine, if you will, a woman. Let’s look inside of her. Not the way a doctor might see her, but someone with more intuitive vision. In the center of her chest is a very unique organ. It looks like a disk about the size of a salad plate, up to two inches thick, and it fills her chest. When it is healthy, the color is a vibrant red or magenta or red-orange, and the surface is soft and even bubbly. Like the lungs, it pulls life and energy in from the environment. Specifically from nature, from the joy of loved ones, from beauty. Like the heart, it is connected to every part of her body through a complex circulatory system. As life and energy are pulled into it, life and energy travel to every extremity.
This organ is called “her feelings” and it is the core of her being.

When a woman is delighted or happy, this organ fills with life and energy, expanding and expanding. The life and energy move from her chest to her lungs, and she may breathe more heavily or deeply. From there, the life and energy move to her throat, and she may laugh or giggle or sing. Continuing upward, her mouth turns into a smile, her skin glows and her eyes sparkle. The life and energy flow through her smile and skin and eyes to the people around her and they are uplifted. When the life and energy reach her brain, they fill her head with hopeful, loving, magnanimous, creative thoughts. And as they reach her arms and legs, hands and feet, her step becomes lighter and she may even dance.

This is when she is her most powerful, and paradoxically, her most vulnerable. Bask in her beauty and light and treat her with care.

PAIN AND BLACKNESS, SILENCE AND IMMOBILITY

Imagine now that something happens which “hurts her feelings.” Intentional act or mere oversight, when a woman’s feelings are hurt, the process works in reverse. The rate at which this occurs depends on how harsh or shocking was the hurtful act or comment. It may take three to thirty minutes for the process to be complete.
Within a few seconds the organ has constricted, changing color to black or dark gray and becoming hard and tight like a rock or fist. Vibrant and pulsing a moment before, it lies lifeless. The woman might gasp as she feels the core of her being shrink and harden. Then this new death travels the pathways that life and energy flowed through just moments before.

Being closest to her lungs, breathing will be the first to go. She will feel as if she can’t breathe and her actual breaths will become shallow. Next is the throat. She will be able to speak for only a few moments longer and then the death-feeling will shut down all energy to her throat. The “silent treatment” that others dread is not voluntary. She cannot speak. Her eyes will suddenly become sensitive to light, and especially to people. She’ll have to avoid all eye contact, for it hurts them. After a few more minutes the life and energy is gone from her arms and legs. If she can’t cocoon, she’ll move slowly. If she can, she’ll find a safe place, curl up and become immobile. As time passes, her body feels heavier and heavier, like dirt is being piled on top of her.

In her experience, she has been completely shut down. Then the real mischief begins.

For one small, crucial part of her brain has a back up generator, which turns on as the rest herself shuts off. And it has access to a specific set of files. Let’s call it “the Rage Machine.” While she lies breathless, speechless, blind and immobile, the Rage Machine dips into all the records of irritations, annoyances, pet peeves, and any unresolved injuries. With only these to work with, the Rage Machine starts churning out speeches. Its fantasy is all-out verbal warfare. It plots revenge.

As time goes on, the Rage Machine will gather momentum. Physical proximity to the person who her hurt her feelings fuels the Rage Machine, giving it energy. Though lying buried under dirt, mute and blind, the woman may try to move to a distance from the source of the hurt, understanding intuitively that this might quiet the beast in her head. She may move to another room or out of the house altogether.

On the surface, the Rage Machine may take over the woman’s facial muscles, making her look angry or upset. But underneath its rantings, a small voice in her head is pleading for help, hoping the person who buried her might come dig her out. For he or she is the only one who can.

ON THE OTHER SIDE

Now let’s look from the point of view of the man. Why a man? Because women are more vulnerable to the men they love than anyone else on Earth. And because feelings are different for men. Or so they have told me. Men’s feelings, while just as deep and significant, don’t have the circulatory system women have. Scientists tell us that men don’t have as many connections in their brains from the feeling centers and language centers. This is good, by the way. Different but valuable for many purposes.

So, having a different relationship to feelings in general, the man does not realize that he has just hurt the woman. Whatever he did or said was not intended to be hurtful. Healthy men (which most are) never intend to hurt women. And that same remark or action would probably not have hurt him. He has no idea that her feelings are the organ at the core of her being from which all life and energy flow. No one has ever explained that to him.

After a prolonged silence, he starts to worry that she may be mad at him. He hopes this isn’t true. If he loves her, then her being mad at him is the worst thing that can happen. He is hoping, and maybe praying, that she’s upset at something else, but please, not at him. As one man expressed it, “I’d pay a million, billion, gazillion dollars for her not to be mad at me.” For a being designed to pursue success in every area, this is the worst failure. She is the sun and the moon and both have suddenly deserted his life. And he doesn’t know why.

If she does something that clearly indicates that the anger is directed at him, then hope will die, he’ll know he failed, and there is nothing to do now but fix it. If he has been able to fix it in the past, he’ll quickly respond. If he has never been able to fix it, then he’s really sunk.

Until the woman does something that overtly communicates anger, like going to sleep in the other room or stomping out of the house, he’ll keep hoping that it isn’t him. This is how the woman can be left buried under the dirt in darkness and silence for hours. He doesn’t mean to be cruel. He doesn’t know that she’s drowning and that he’s the only lifeguard.

“I’M SORRY I HURT YOU” RAISES THE DEAD

When he does go her, he’ll want to confront the anger head-on. Because he thinks it is real. He doesn’t know that it is the Rage Machine’s default program of miscellaneous junk that really didn’t bother her that much at the time. If he engages the Rage Machine by being angry himself – perhaps because it seems unfair to him that she is angry – then he’s likely to hear all the trash that has been being gathered and rehearsed. A smart man will treat it like the garbage disposal backing up. An informed man could avoid it altogether.

Beneath the anger is the hurt that shut down the whole system and enabled the Rage Machine to take over. If he says, “I’m sorry” – and means it – life will suddenly flow back into her chest and make its way to the rest of her body. It will take a while to reach all the different parts, so he should be patient. But as soon as he says, “I’m sorry”, with true kindness and remorse.

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You can get free Love Bucket Books by following Sherrie Rose on Twitter.

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with a link for instant digital download of
FREE love bucket books(& other bonuses)

Be Proud and Fly an America Flag Today! Flag Day officially started in 1916. See More about Flag Day Here: MyHolidayMessage

If you are patriotic and share the love of your country with your sweetheart, you can fill her love bucket by being a proud American and flying the flag today.  All over the country the American Flag is prominently flown. It’s a great excuse to bring home or send a bouquet of flowers with a flag as in Red, White and Blossoms

You can get free Love Bucket Books by following Sherrie Rose on Twitter.

Sherrie Rose
The Love Linguist®
Dedicated to Enhancing Your Love and S*X Life!

Follow @SherrieRose on Twitter and you’ll get a Direct Message with a link for instant digital download of
FREE love bucket books
(& other bonuses)