How to Satisfy Your Wife and Keep Your Married Life Happy
“The Top 3 Reasons Why Marriages Fail For Men”
Before I list why marriages fail for men, let me define what I mean by a man’s marriage failing.
What I mean here when I say that a marriage fails is that your wife has lost interest in you. Or at least, she’s not as interested in you as you’d like.
If it gets bad, she eventually expresses her disinterest in you by either: a) wanting to leave you, or b) cheating on you.
And it may happen in degrees, but to whatever extent she’s disinterested, the marriage is failing.
The three below reasons why marriages fail for men are simply violations.
So if you want to keep your wife’s interest, don’t let these 3 reasons why marriages fail happen to you:
Why Marriages Fail For Men Reason #1: Ego
Get this one handled first. This is often the first reason why marriages fail. Honestly, step on your ego a little and half your problems will be solved.
If you get this handled, you may not even need to know the other two reasons why marriages fail for men.
It’s your ego that’s busy holding grudges, that can’t forgive.
It’s your ego that makes you lose your temper and do stupid things.
It’s your ego that stops you from learning how to be a bigger man and a better husband.
It’s your ego that prevents you from repairing your relationship when you’ve screwed up—unless you’re like me and you never screw up. Okay, okay, I admit it, I’ve screwed up…more times than I care to remember.
And you have to. It happens, man. Get over it. Just fix it.
I can think of at least two pivotal moments in my marriage—you know, those moments when everything changes—that if I had held on to my ego, I’m confident I wouldn’t still be married to my wife.
The first was about 5 years into my marriage when things had gotten so bad and I was so distant from my wife that she couldn’t take it any more and wanted a divorce.
Things sucked so bad between me and my wife at that time that I wasn’t against the idea of divorce. But I wanted to first make sure that I had at least done my part as a man to make things work.
At that time, I heard some advice from my spiritual guide to step on my ego, and I realized that I had let my ego get in the way a lot in our marriage, and I realized that it was a big reason why my marriage was failing.
So I forced myself to think, What would be the hardest stinkin’ thing for my ego to endure?
Aha! I got it: a love song!
Oh God, the thought of it! Could anything be more humiliating?!
Anyone who knows me can imagine how hard that would’ve been on my ego…especially back then, when I actually really resented my wife.
But I wasn’t contented to have my ego be the reason why my marriage was to fail
So I made the choice to let those resentments go and really love my wife. So I wrote her a love song and called it “Beautiful Girl, Come Back to Me,” and I sang it to her.
Score: Jemal, 1. Ego, 0. Yessss!!
Maybe one day–if you convince me–I’ll let you have a copy of the song.
Our marriage still wasn’t perfect after that, but that was definitely a new point of departure for us and our definitely went up a level.
Because I had let go of my the reason why my marriage was failing: my ego.
Another occasion, not that long ago, things were shaky between me and my wife.
I travelled to New York to meet privately for six hours with a guy who’s arguably one of the world’s greatest ladies’ men.
His name is Stephen. He teaches men how to be naturally more attractive and how to have happier, stronger relationships.
He and I got to talking about why my marriage was failing at that point–even if it was much better than before.
We got to talking about how I wasn’t open with my wife. I wouldn’t tell her things that would make me vulnerable, things that she could criticize me for—at that moment or later.
You and I know both know that when it comes to women “anything you say can and will be used against you…” I’ve experienced it enough times, and I’m sure you have to.
We’re not stupid: put us down enough, criticize us enough, and we’re not gonna open up anymore. Right?
So I had stopped opening up with my wife.
But the advice I got from Stephen surprised me. He was the only one that had ever really presented me with that advice.
He actually addressed me from a spiritual, selfless perspective. He’s not Muslim, but he knew I’m a Muslim who aspires to be spiritual. So he asked me what a spiritual Muslim would do.
What the?! Caught me off guard. I thought to myself, Where is this “ladies’ man” going with this? I was looking for advice about attraction, not spirituality. I was hoping to better understand why marriages fail in general and why my marriage was failing, in particular.
I wasn’t there for spiritual advice. I already have my spiritual guide. But Stephen had won me over. He’s a smart, insightful, likeable, cool guy. So I heard him out. And I’m glad I did.
He said to me, “Be open and vulnerable with her, not for you sake, but for hers. And if when you lay your heart out there…it gets stomped on…then…do it again.”
Unusual advice, but it really stuck. And to be honest, had a woman given me that kind of advice, I might have blown it off. But this was coming from a guy who was manly, was cool, and knew what he was talking about.
He was in a lasting committed relationship, with a woman he was deeply in love with, even though he could have just about any woman he wanted. I knew he wasn’t the sort of guy who just spoke empty words.
So when I got back to Toronto, I took his advice. And I laid my heart out there—or you could say, I laid my ego out there. And guess what! It got stomped on. But guess what! It happens. Your wife will test you. She will test your strength. She will test your genuineness. And it will irritate the hell out of you.
And when my wife stomped on my ego, it did irritate the hell out of me. So I was about to walk out the door. No wonder why marriages fail–when women act the way they do, right?
But then I remembered Stephen’s advice. (…sigh…) “And if when you lay it out there, it’s stomped on…do it again!”
So I did. I went back to my wife and laid my ego on the line yet again. Damn, that was hard! But this time…she didn’t stomp on it. She simply melted.
And we had a turning point in our marriage at that moment that we had never had in our entire 11 years of marriage up to that point.
Trust me, man: look for opportunities to let go of your own ego, and just let it go. You will have a more happy marriage because of it. You will have a more interested wife because of it. And you will be more of a man because of it.
Let go of your ego and you might not even need to worry about the second reason why marriages fail for men.
Why Marriages Fail For Men Reason #2: Blame
The second reason why marriages fail for men is that they convince themselves that women are the reason why marriages fail.
Man, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a husband complain about his wife, and I think to myself, “Dude, she’s not the problem. You are.” Of course, I often tell him that, too. (It’s the tough love I have to give sometimes.)
Listen, bro: Your wife is not the reason why your marriage is failing. Stop blaming your wife for any marriage problems you face. Stop blaming her for how she treats you.
Have you ever heard the saying, “We teach people how to treat us?” If you haven’t, then you need to write it down right now: “We teach people how to treat us.”
So ask yourself, “How am I teaching my wife to treat me?”
My wife treats me with honour, love, and respect. She likes to think it’s because of what a wonderful woman she is. And she is a wonderful woman. But it’s because I won’t accept anything less from her.
And so she lives up to my expectations. I teach her how to treat me. And if she treats me wrong, I have no one to blame but myself.
So step up, be a man, and behave like a man that she can’t help but treat like a king. If she’s not treating you like a king, maybe you haven’t proven to her your worthiness. So stop blaming her for it. Just change how you are, and she’ll change how she is with you.
She won’t be able to help herself. Her heart will just melt when she thinks of you and when she’s around you. And trust me: a woman that adores you will treat you very differently from a woman that doesn’t adore you.
So if she’s not treating you how you’d like, then she doesn’t adore you enough, and don’t blame her for that. You just need to become the man she can’t help but adore.
Why Marriages Fail For Men Reason #3: Logic
What?! How can logic be a reason why marriages fail?! Well, read on, and you’ll see.
How your wife behaves depends on how she feels. And how she feels will never change with logic. So don’t try to convince your wife with logic that she should behave differently.
It’s not about logic. It’s about emotion. So get used to thinking in terms of emotion, and not in terms of logic. Many men fail to recognize their wife’s emotions, and that’s a big reason why marriages fail for them.
On a practical level, what does that mean? For one, it means stop arguing with her and trying to convince her to see things your way. If you inspire her emotions, she’ll give everything to please you…even if she thinks you’re wrong. Cuz it doesn’t matter whether, logically, you’re right or wrong. What matters is how you make her feel.
Setting aside logic also means that you need to stop judging her feelings. Her feelings are her feelings. It doesn’t matter if you think they “make sense” or not. Because it’s not about logic; it’s about feelings. It’s all about emotions.
Stop trying to “reason” with your wife. Instead, just “emotion” with her.
She’s not a guy. She’s a girl. Appreciate that. Stop trying to make her like a guy and “straighten” her. Just let her be a girl and enjoy the curvature.
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