Instincts surely serve us. When it comes to filling the love bucket the “Lifestyle” Ring of Desire is often overlooked or ignored but a key to happy relating and true lovematism.
Sex is often at the top of the list as the red hot Ring of Desire.
But what about lifestyle? And even more specifically what about the aspect of spiritual mysticism of lovematism. This can make or break a couple.
Susan Heitler Ph.D. shares this case example:
Robert adored Sherry. She was smart, funny, generous and sexually exciting to him. At the same time, they spent so much time at his apartment that it seemed to him he should think about inviting her to move in.
Yet Robert hesitated. Rather than slide into each subsequent stage of their growing partnership, he wanted co-habitation to be just a short interval before a long engagement and eventual marriage. If he was going to invite Sherry to move in with him, he’d better look ahead down the road and decide if he really was wanting to stay on the marriage track with her.
When Robert did the exercise of labeling the key parts of what he liked best about himself, his alarm bells went off. Catholic was at the top of the list. He was from an Irish Catholic family and had grown up loving going to church. That was the place where his sometimes argumentative family always felt most harmonious and intact. His spiritual side was so nourished by going to church that he had considered for some time even becoming a priest. At the same time, he knew that Sherry was equally committed in her Jewish religion. Religious observances at home such as Friday night dinners were an especially positive part of her family of origin’s closeness.
As Robert thought about how central Catholicism was to his identity and Jewishness was to Sherry’s, feelings of sadness rose up within him. He realized that to build a cohesive family together one or both of them would have to give up too core a part of his identity.
Robert decided that instead of inviting Sherry to move in with him, he would explain his concerns. Together they faced the realities of their different identities, talking openly about what a future together might look like. Their mutual choice at the end was to declare their love for each other, and then part.
Initially Robert and Sherry both suffered a long period of mourning. Eventually however each found new partners. With these more fully-matched spouses, both built highly successful and loving families.
Susan Heitler says, “No one wants to seal the deal and then discover afterwards that they have signed up for serious marriage problems.”
Know what fills your special lady’s love bucket. Lifestyle changes over the years but the core factors that are the foundation of what is important to you should be explored early on.
Presents are often thought of first when it comes to the Provisions Ring of Desire to fill her Love Bucket.
As said before, men can become a “pro” with “vision” to see that a woman wants when it comes to the Provisions Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket.
Is there a reason why an experience may be more appropriate than a physical present?
Here’s why psychologists say you should spend your money on experiences, not things: You don’t have infinite money. Spend it on stuff that research says makes you happy.
The Science Of Why You Should Spend Your Money On Experiences, Not Things
"We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. But only for a while. New things are exciting to us at first, but then we adapt to them."
How adaptation affects happiness, for instance, was measured in a study that asked people to self-report their happiness with major material and experiential purchases. Initially, their happiness with those purchases was ranked about the same. But over time, people’s satisfaction with the things they bought went down, whereas their satisfaction with experiences they spent money on went up.
Dr. Thomas Gilovich, a psychology professor at Cornell University suggests you’ll get more happiness spending money on experiences like going to art exhibits, doing outdoor activities, learning a new skill, or traveling.
The Full Story on Fast Company Co Exist
Get Close Together To Fill The Love Bucket With Propinquity
Propinquity is a term that refers to the likelihood of interaction between two people.
Social psychologists say if you are very likely to interact with Susan several times each day, you have high propinquity with Susan. You have very low propinquity with someone who shares few of your same interests, does not work with you, and lives on the opposite side of the country.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, it is amazing to see how close two people can get just chatting with each other for a random photo shot. It can be easy to build your propinquity with the right situation.
What does propinquity have to do with The Love Bucket? It matters because it determines a lot about the likelihood of your desires. This is akin to the Lifestyle Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket. Social psychologists have discovered that propinquity is a better predictor of who ends up with who and who stays with who because the Lifestyle Ring of Desire is a very important variable in your relationship and in the dating experience.
Knowing the kind of woman you want to be with gives you a distinct advantage. If you already are with a woman then you can purposely manipulate your propinquity. (Think about how exciting this is if it really does match up!)
For example, what you do and where you go will affect the Lifestyle Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket. If you golf and she does not what else can you do together? This is the Do With Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket. Also one form of the Contact Ring of Desire which has to do with physical touch when you are in close physical proximity shows that this idea of proximity is actually an important part of attraction.
The point is propinquity does matters. Just like the people in the video above, they are only asked to pose in pictures together as if they were family members, friends or lovers. They look like they are showing a brief amount of affection, but the facial expressions and body language within the photos make it seem like these strangers not only know each other, but also share some sort of genuine bond. You can create propinquity. Use it to your advantage. Get the details in The Man Class, particularly the Do With Ring of Desire and the Lifestyle Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket.
Who’s Filling Her Love Bucket? When Her ‘Contact Ring of Desire’ is Shined Up with Digital Age CheatingMonday, December 10th, 2012 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, Attention, Dating, Mating, Relating | No Comments »
The 7 Rings of Desire of the Love Bucket do take into account the digital age. Digital texts, email, social media connections can enhance your CONTACT and shine up that Ring of Desire with flirtation and anticipation.
Because we often spend so much time out of proximity of our partner (which eliminates physical touch) substituting texts and digital contact can help maintain the connection with electronic contact.
But what happens when that innocent digital connection is focused on someone who is not your partner?
What if your gal is getting her CONTACT Ring of Desire shined up by some other man who is quietly sending texts or chatting with her on Facebook? Just how much sexual innuendo is in that conversation?
You’ve heard the response ‘just platonic’ when someone is accused of cheating. The emotional infidelity and emotional cheating is not as clear cut as sexual infidelity when someone steps outside the bounds of a relationship and engages in some form of sexual contact with another person.
John Portmann defends online lust and characterizes cybersex as talk about sex; similar to flirting. Flirting, for many, is a romantic and sexual gesture and does fill the love bucket.
An affair is usually a matter of opportunity and the nature of communication and the ability to contact just about anyone anywhere has greatly increased opportunity. Diverted attention is easy.
People consider their online sexual relationships as real, as they experience psychological states similar to those typically elicited by offline relationships.
When does her (or your) contact with another person border on cheating? Take this 60-second reality check quiz from Sheri Meyers’ book "Chatting or Cheating" to see whether it’s just chatting or if it’s really cheating (emotional sex). Questions fall into these three areas: Shared intimacy, Sexual chemistry, and Secrecy and exclusion.
Shared Intimacy Questions
· Exchanging personal, intimate, and confidential information (and/or had offline contact) with an online "friend" that your partner doesn’t know about?
· Giving more and more time, attention and emotional support to your "friend" and less to your partner at home?
· Beginning to emotionally or physically withdraw from your partner, preferring to spend time away, online, talking or texting with your "friend" vs. connecting with your partner?
· Constantly checking to see if your "friend" has made contact and/or are continually trying to come up with ways to connect and have contact?
· Feeling high and happy when connected with your "friend" and low and lonely when you’ve been disconnected for too long?
Sexual Chemistry Questions
· Finding yourself sexually and/or emotionally aroused when you think about or have contact with your "friend"?
· Sending or receiving flirtatious or sexy emails, texts, photos or videos?
· Doing anything sexual using your webcam (or your imagination)? Having sexy chats? Sharing your sexual fantasies? Masturbating and/or mutually masturbating?
· Imagining you are in bed with your "friend," while making love with your partner?
· Feeling cold when it comes to having sex with your partner? More interested in reading a book, Facebooking, watching TV, or talking to your "friend" then making love with your partner?
Secrecy & Exclusion Questions
· Hiding your correspondence with your "friend" from your partner?
· Becoming secretive or evasive about your activities, changing your passwords, getting new anonymous email addresses, setting up fake profiles, joining a dating or cheating hook-up site?
· Avoiding getting into serious conversations with your partner?
· Pretending you’re single when you’re not?
· Spending a large amount of time (in person or online) talking, sharing, confiding with your friend and not telling your partner about it? Or worse, lying about who you are with?
Who’s Filling Her Love Bucket?
The Love Linguist recommends the book Chatting or Cheating
Love Bucket Proposal Portal Proposal
One way to fill the LOVE BUCKET !! Congrats!
Casey McKinnon, bride-to-be, originally shared this on Google Plus:
Last night +Rudy Jahchan, my amazing boyfriend of 7 years, asked me to marry him using an Atari video cartridge he coded himself to be like my favorite video game Portal!
It was really sweet, and here’s the video… the first part is me trying out the video game, and the actual proposal starts at around 6:18. 🙂
The annotations in the video are by Rudy. His heart was pounding! Love the engagement ring!
SHE SAID YES!!!
(and on Valentine’s Day!)
Rudy writes on his YouTube video: “My love LOVES her Atari 2600 and the game Portal. So I thought why not use both to pop the big question? Here’s the game in action and the moment in question…”
Casey, may Rudy fill your love bucket with love and your special desires! Rudy, you power her passion and now you are a MASTERMAN!