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Sexologist Talks about being Monogamish

Thursday, October 27th, 2016 Posted in SEX | No Comments »

We are in a time of crisis. We have a global epidemic on our hands and it’s airborne. That’s what Jessica O’Reilly says.

It affects the young and the old and knows no geographical bounds. Now, this problem is not unlike other widespread crises, the economy, climate change for instance.

But this crisis effects more of us, in a more personal and perceptible fashion. It tears families apart.

It takes the most detrimental toll on the most vulnerable among us and it’s contagious. It’s spreading.

Yet somehow, we’re captivated by it. I’m talking about the crisis of the modern monogamous marriage.

jennifer

Now, if I were to make you an offer in any realm of your life, would you take it?

If I said, invest in my fund, there’s a per cent chance you’ll see a return. Or sign this business deal, you’ve got a percent chance of failure, but hey, why not?

Or hop on this flight, you’ve got a shot at making it to your destination safely. Even if I offered you two free checked bags, you’d probably say no.

But the modern monogamous marriage offers even lower statistical odds when you factor in divorce rates and the rates of infidelity.

Now, in North America, divorce rates are over 50 percent, higher, if you count your second and third marriages. In my family sometimes we go on even above three. Four, five, and six. You know already about my husband’s fights because of Riaz.

So I might as well divulge some info.

Infidelity rates in North America are between 30 and 60 percent, depending on who’s asking and who drank their truth serum this morning. And research suggests that satisfaction rates in marriage plummet after the honeymoon phase, never to recover.

Scary.

Now, many young people are actually opting not to get married. Marriage rates are on the decline. Maybe because they’ve heard that research shows that married people are, in fact, no happier than their single counterparts.

And have you heard of mate poaching?

Apparently, percent of men – shame, shame – and percent of women – we’re not better, not much better – have tried to woo someone away from their current spouse. What is going on?

So when we combine these statistics, we look at the numbers. We see that in marriage it is in fact a best case scenario.

Marriage is in a time of crisis.

Now, I’m not suggesting that we do away with marriage; I’m a fan of marriage. I even picked one up for myself. I’ve been happily married to my husband for eight years, living with him for 12 .

What I am saying is that marriage is a failure in human design. It doesn’t matter that research says that marriage is good for my health and even better for men’s health, somehow they always win. And it doesn’t matter that we all go into marriage with the most noble of intentions, right?

To live happily ever after, to love our partner unconditionally, to help them grow into the best version of themselves. Because it doesn’t always end up this way. Because of this failure in human design, marriage can be restrictive in personal growth, and even repressive in its demands of absolute monogamy. In any other realm, if we saw failure rates like we see in marriage, we would do something about it. When the markets tumble, we do something about it; we adjust interest rates, we enact austerity measures, we develop stimulus packages.

Right?

If a car malfunctions in some way, we issue a recall, so that we can repair it. And if a superbug is unresponsive to a current vaccination, we go back to the lab to develop a new formulation. When something doesn’t work, when anything doesn’t work, we innovate. So why do we accept the monogamous marriage in its current form, despite its design flaws?

Could our relationships not benefit from a stimulus package?

A temporary recall. Just overnight. Isn’t it time we go back to the lab to dissect the issues, challenge the failing norm, and innovate? Now, some couples have already done this. They reject monogamy altogether. Swingers for instance, I know a lot of them. Surprise, surprise, the sexologist says. They have sex with other people and it works for them.

Polyamorous have emotional, intimate, loving, and sexual relationships with multiple partners and it works for them. And open relationships come in a huge range of forms that are custom designed by every couple or threesome or foursome, or moresome, however it comes. Now, I know many couples for whom open relationships have worked, Rosa and Dan for instance. After years of marriage, they said, "Something’s gotta give." Their words, not mine.

So they decided to open their relationship up and now they have lovers across North America, and they couldn’t be happier. But like monogamy, open relationships only work for a very small number of people.

An estimated four to five, not , four to five percent have tried it with a good degree of success.

The problem with open relationships is that most of us just don’t want one. We’re okay with other people being open, but we don’t want to share our partners. Happily ever after with one true soul mate has been too firmly ingrained in our sub-consciousness, since birth. So what we’ve determined so far is that over here we have the monogamous. Monogamy works for a small number of people. Over here we have the non-monogamous, and that works for an even smaller percentage of people. And the rest of us, we fall somewhere in between.

It affects the young and the old and knows no geographical bounds. Now, this problem is not unlike other widespread crises, the economy, climate change for instance.

But this crisis effects more of us, in a more personal and perceptible fashion. It tears families apart.

It takes the most detrimental toll on the most vulnerable among us and it’s contagious. It’s spreading.

Yet somehow, we’re captivated by it. I’m talking about the crisis of the modern monogamous marriage.

Now, if I were to make you a  offer in any realm of your life, would you take it?

If I said, invest in my fund, there’s a per cent chance you’ll see a return. Or sign this business deal, you’ve got a percent chance of failure, but hey, why not?

Or hop on this flight, you’ve got a  shot at making it to your destination safely. Even if I offered you two free checked bags, you’d probably say no.

But the modern monogamous marriage offers even lower statistical odds when you factor in divorce rates and the rates of infidelity.

Now, in North America, divorce rates are over 50 percent, higher, if you count your second and third marriages. In my family sometimes we go on even above three. Four, five, and six. You know already about my husband’s fights because of Riaz.

So I might as well divulge some info.

Infidelity rates in North America are between and percent, depending on who’s asking and who drank their truth serum this morning. And research suggests that satisfaction rates in marriage plummet after the honeymoon phase, never to recover.

Scary.

Now, many young people are actually opting not to get married. Marriage rates are on the decline. Maybe because they’ve heard that research shows that married people are, in fact, no happier than their single counterparts.

And have you heard of mate poaching?

Apparently, percent of men – shame, shame – and percent of women – we’re not better, not much better – have tried to woo someone away from their current spouse. What is going on?

So when we combine these statistics, we look at the numbers. We see that in marriage it is in fact a best case scenario.

Marriage is in a time of crisis.

Now, I’m not suggesting that we do away with marriage; I’m a fan of marriage. I even picked one up for myself. I’ve been happily married to my husband for eight years, living with him for 12 .

What I am saying is that marriage is a failure in human design. It doesn’t matter that research says that marriage is good for my health and even better for men’s health, somehow they always win. And it doesn’t matter that we all go into marriage with the most noble of intentions, right?

To live happily ever after, to love our partner unconditionally, to help them grow into the best version of themselves. Because it doesn’t always end up this way. Because of this failure in human design, marriage can be restrictive in personal growth, and even repressive in its demands of absolute monogamy. In any other realm, if we saw failure rates like we see in marriage, we would do something about it. When the markets tumble, we do something about it; we adjust interest rates, we enact austerity measures, we develop stimulus packages.

Right?

If a car malfunctions in some way, we issue a recall, so that we can repair it. And if a superbug is unresponsive to a current vaccination, we go back to the lab to develop a new formulation. When something doesn’t work, when anything doesn’t work, we innovate. So why do we accept the monogamous marriage in its current form, despite its design flaws?

Could our relationships not benefit from a stimulus package?

A temporary recall. Just overnight. Isn’t it time we go back to the lab to dissect the issues, challenge the failing norm, and innovate? Now, some couples have already done this. They reject monogamy altogether. Swingers for instance, I know a lot of them. Surprise, surprise, the sexologist says. They have sex with other people and it works for them.

Polyamorous have emotional, intimate, loving, and sexual relationships with multiple partners and it works for them. And open relationships come in a huge range of forms that are custom designed by every couple or threesome or foursome, or moresome, however it comes. Now, I know many couples for whom open relationships have worked, Rosa and Dan for instance. After years of marriage, they said, "Something’s gotta give." Their words, not mine.

So they decided to open their relationship up and now they have lovers across North America, and they couldn’t be happier. But like monogamy, open relationships only work for a very small number of people.

An estimated four to five, not , four to five percent have tried it with a good degree of success.

The problem with open relationships is that most of us just don’t want one. We’re okay with other people being open, but we don’t want to share our partners. Happily ever after with one true soul mate has been too firmly ingrained in our subconsciousness, since birth. So what we’ve determined so far is that over here we have the monogamous. Monogamy works for a small number of people. Over here we have the non-monogamous, and that works for an even smaller percentage of people. And the rest of us, we fall somewhere in between.

So what about the rest of us?

Cheating isn’t an option.

I’m not even going to go there. So how do we find our happily ever after? Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed guests, I submit to you that the solution is to consider the gray area of the monogamish.

This term has been around for some time. I remember hearing it as a kid when I shouldn’t have been listening to my parents friends back in the s, but it became popularized by sex columnists, Dan Savage, more recently.

And Dan used this term to describe his relationship in which he is emotionally, and practically, and lovingly monogamous with his partner, but sexually they’re allowed to do other things. So to me, that’s more of an open relationship.

So what I suggest is that we fine-tune the term – the philosophy of monogamish – to make it more accessible to the rest of us, who fall into this gray area.

Let’s use monogamish to take the monotony out of monogamy in a way that preserves the sanctity, the safety, and the comfort of our relationships.

So, monogamish, what might this look like?

Monogamish couples might look to extramarital sources for sexual stimulation.

But only in thought, not in action. So if I’m monogamish, there might have been a volunteer backstage that was kinda cute. So I took a second look.

I hope I didn’t make him uncomfortable, never making him uncomfortable. I might have had a break and thought about him a little. I might think about him later tonight.

But I’m never going to act upon that thought. And this thought and thoughts like it

that are forbidden in so many monogamous relationships, admitting to this thought serves to further stabilize my relationship because when we put these forbidden thoughts

out in the open, we serve to reduce their power, and we decrease the likelihood that we’ll actually act upon them.

So, we have thought, but not action, and then we have talk, but not touch. So monogamish couples might look to extramarital sources for sexual arousal and pleasure in a talk format with no touch.

Flirting with other people comes to mind as a really good example of this.

So, bear with me a moment. Picture this you’re at a bar, you’re with you partner. Say you’re with your husband. And there’s a waitress and she’s kinda cute. Not too cute.

We all have our limits. So you tease him a little "She’s really cute, isn’t she? I think she was checking you out.

You look hot tonight, Babe." She totally wasn’t checking him out,

but they all like a good stroking of the ego. With your coaxing, maybe, he even flirts with her a little. Maybe you get in on that flirting, too.

Obviously showing her the utmost respect and respect for your relationship. At the end of the night, you go home together, you and your husband, not the waitress.

Let’s be clear here. You go home and you continue the fantasy. You weave it in the bedroom.

You even talk about having a threesome. "Oh Babe, you look so hot tonight. I totally want to bring her home with us. Yeah, I’d love to, absolutely, don’t you want four hands on you? Can’t you imagine, I’d love to share you."

It’s just talk. You pull out all the stops.

You drive him into a frenzy and then you both get off, you have a great time.

When you’re done, you take him by the hand and look him in the eye and you say,

"Don’t even think about it."

And he knows and says, "Of course not, Babe, that was amazing, thank you.

You’re all I want. Can I get you anything, a beer or a cheeseburger?"

Isn’t that how it should always end? Alright. You break the norms of rigid monogamy without ever touching another person.

It’s just talk.

All the flirting, all the fantasy, the four hands, the waitress. You’re never going to that bar again, by the way. So one shot deal. It’s just talk, nothing more. Now, we have thought, but not action.

We have talk, but not touch.

And then we have couples, who make this foray into monogamish territory, and they love it.

They relish in it, and they say, "You know what? Things have never been better.

Let’s take it to another level." Those couples might decide, "Let’s go to a strip club.

Let’s get a couple of lap dances." A few years later, maybe they work their way into the back room, the champagne room. I don’t even know what goes on in there.

Maybe they love the dirty talk element and they want to bring a third person in, but they don’t want the threat of a real live person in the flesh. So they call a phone sex line together.

I know, it’s not, but they still exist. And they make a lot of money, it’s a profitable industry.

Maybe they know someone who is a swinger, and they’ve been invited to swinger parties.

Now, they do not want to swing, but they like the idea of the environment, of being around this kind of erotic element; the edge, the sights, the sounds, the smells.

Not the smells, forget that. Just the sights, and the sounds, and the energy.

What we have to remember is that monogamish is a mindset, not a manner.

You make it what you choose. If the strip club doesn’t appeal to you, don’t go. If the idea of flirting with a real live person seems just too risky,

don’t do it. Maybe you opt instead to sign into a chat room together or use a cam service for a little bit of nighttime fun on a Saturday night.

There is no universal formula for happily ever after.

And there’s no formula for monogamish. I’m simply suggesting that we might benefit from considering options beyond the rigid norm of monogamy.

So now, you’re thinking, "Okay, monogamish sounds good, I love strippers."

Right?

And now guys don’t even have six-packs, they have eight-packs. It doesn’t sound bad.

You’re thinking, "This sounds okay, but how do I get over my insecurities?

How do I deal with the jealousy? Part of me would want to tear that sort-of-cute waitress’s hair out. Or I don’t want this ripped guys grinding up on my wife.

I can’t handle that. I gained weight during her pregnancy, had a lot of cravings. Can’t expect a man to have a six-pack after pregnancy, right?

So these are all valid concerns. I can’t help you with the six-pack, but every couple deals with these jealousies, these insecurities, these challenges, in their very own way.

Some take baby steps. They don’t dive into monogamish, they do it a little bit at a time. They might start by simply admitting to which celebrities they find attractive.

It could take them years to work their way up to actually divulging their deepest, darkest fantasies. But these years, that process, is what makes it hot. A little bit of fear and anxiety, balanced with love, comfort, and security is the perfect recipe, not only for love, but for lust.

Other couples, in addition to taking baby steps, they decide to compartmentalize their monogamish element of their relationship. They say, "I really like our relationship as it is.

I love a little bit of monogamish, but not too much." So maybe, they make a rule that they only talk about fantasies that include other people on special occasions.

Or Tuesdays, or the month of March, whatever works for them.

Maybe they love the idea of flirting with other people because flirting is so much fun, it brings out the sexual animal in you, it boosts your self-esteem and it can actually be kind of hot to watch your partner flirt with someone else, under the right consensual circumstances.

But maybe they only do this once a year, when they’re on vacation. Or maybe that bar with the waitress is just too close to home, so they only do it when they’re together at least miles from their hometown; whatever works for them. Some couples, they go after monogamish and they push their boundaries too far and they end up regretting it, but regret is not tantamount to disaster. Mistakes are the most important learning and growth opportunities in a relationship.

When we think of monogamish or we think of relationships, you can think of it as a rubber band.

You can stretch it in this direction, but it still goes back to its solid form.You can stretch it over here, and it doesn’t mean that you ever have to do it again if you don’t like it.

And if you stretch it this way, it doesn’t mean that the next time – the next day, next month, next year – that you have to pull it further.

In fact, you may not want to because it can snap. What we have to know is that progress and relationships are elastic. They are not rigid. Now, as we look at monogamish, we can’t just look at anecdote and conjecture, we also have to look at the science of why monogamish relationships might be the panacea we seek in response to this epidemic of the failing monogamous marriage.

There are, of course, no universal set of rules for a successful relationship.

However, there are some components that tend to be present in happy, lasting marriages.

The first is habit-formed, emotional expression. Scientists like to sound fancy. It means talking.

Talking about your feelings. The good, the bad and the ugly. Admit when you’re jealous,

admit when you’re feeling a little bit off. This is important. The second involves a balance between connectivity and freedom. It is all based in self-expansion theory.

The self-expansion theory explains that we are most happy in our relationships when our partners offer us opportunities for growth. Humans; we’re animals, and we’re programmed to seek change, to seek novelty. We have a hunger for it. And when our partners feed this hunger, we are more happy with them and more attracted to them. Now, the third component of a happy relationship is an active sex life. An active sex life doesn’t mean that you need to be swinging from chandeliers or doing it every day,

or every week, or every month. It just means that you put some effort into your sex life.

Even the Pope and the Catholic cardinals and the bishops know this. Do you know why?

Last week at the Vatican, these celibate men had a symposium on marriage.

They got together to discuss what makes a marriage work, but they did invite in experts.

And one expert couple from Australia, who has been married for years, told this group of entirely celibate men that their sex life has been, and continues to be, of paramount importance.

Very interesting to me.

Now, in my job, I work with couples from all around the world, thousands per year.

And what I’ve seen is that when couples consider opening up their definition of monogamy, even in the smallest of ways, it forces their relationship to thrive on these core elements.

Emotional expression, connectivity balanced with freedom, and an active sex life become the norm, as soon as you start to see monogamy along a continuum.  We need to update and get a new set of rules for marriage.

Sex, Frequency, and The "Big Five" that Fill Her Love Bucket

Thursday, May 26th, 2016 Posted in SEX, The Love Bucket® | No Comments »

What are The "Big Five" that Fill Her Love Bucket® when it comes to sex? Researchers use the “big five” tool which is a set of personality traits including 1) openness, 2) conscientiousness, 3) extraversion, 4) agreeableness, 5) and neuroticism to make the determination.

LoveBucketSex

Together these five traits can map ways we think, feel, and behave — because in addition to our sex life, personality plays a hand in our life span and another Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket®, the Lifestyle Ring of Desire®

A study conducted at Florida State University psychological researchers examines the link between couples’ personalities and how often they have sex after getting married. While certain personality traits (agreeableness, openness) among wives were shown to be strong predictors of sexual frequency within a marriage, the same could not be said for husbands.

“No prior research has examined the association between partners’ big five traits and daily reports of sexual activity so we were hesitant to make specific predictions. It was somewhat surprising, however, that husbands’ big five did not predict couples’ sexual frequency,” says Dr. Andrea Meltzer.

Meltzer and her colleague, Dr. James McNulty, collected data from 278 newlywed heterosexual couples who had been married less than six months at the time of the study. In addition to taking a psychological examination that assessed the personalities of both husband and wife, each couple also kept a 14-day journal documenting their marital life, including how often they had sex. The Journal of Research in Personality article is Who is Having More and Better Sex? The Big Five as Predictors of Sex In Marriage.

The findings revealed that couples who had been married less than six months had sex an average of three to four times over the 14-day period. Although there was no link between husbands’ personality traits and how often the couple was intimate, higher levels of agreeableness among wives led to more frequent sex. Openness among wives also seemed to be a predictor of a more frequent sex life.

Someone’s sexual satisfaction seems to have no connection to the personality of that person’s spouse. On the other hand, both husbands and wives with low levels of neuroticism reported being more satisfied with their sex lives. And high levels of openness was also a stronger predictor of sexual dissatisfaction, but only among husbands.

The big five personality traits have been implicated in other aspects of both our physical and mental health. For example, people who score higher on neuroticism also tend to suffer from negative moods that lead to irritability, anxiety, and depression as opposed to people on the other end of the spectrum who have more emotional stability.

Being conscientious, on the other hand, could end up preventing a myriad of negative health complications by reducing the amount of stress that comes into our lives. Past research has shown that neuroticism leads to a release of the stress hormone cortisol, which can take its toll on our immune system. This has led to higher rates of heart disease among neurotic people.

What your own score? Find out your score on the big five Personality Test here.  The test consists of fifty items that you must rate on how true they are about you on a five point scale where 1=Disagree, 3=Neutral and 5=Agree. It takes most people 3-8 minutes to complete.

9 lines she wants to hear in bed

Thursday, April 14th, 2016 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, SEX, The Love Bucket® | No Comments »

The Sex Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket is very important in keeping the heat turned on. Some say not talking during sex is the way to go. But having sex with a little titillating talk can make it even better. Do know what she really wants to hear? (It probably is very similar to what you want her to say to you!) Yes, you can drive her desire and make her absolutely crazy (in a good way) in bed.

LoveBucketSex

1. I want you right now! – This is before you get into bed when that primal growl of need is ramping up and it is something that turns a woman on. It makes them feel desired and sexy. The longing in your voice for her to take you to another level of ecstasy is definitely something a woman would love to hear. Add a bit of a growl to your voice and watch your partner want a lot more than foreplay.

2. You are a great kisser – Kissing is so important to connecting deeply. It can be a really sensual experience and often is the deciding factor on whether things will move on to sex or not. So complimenting a woman on her kissing ability tells her that she is on the right track. Apart from that it also helps keep things hot since your woman will definitely try to kiss better by making it that much more intense.

3. Ohhh! I love it when you do that: Telling your woman exactly what you like is often the easiest way to have great foreplay and sex. When you whisper or moan that indicates that what she is doing feels absolutely great and it only serves to show her that she is on the right track. Apart from that low, guttural moan of pleasure will definitely turn the heat up several notches.

4. That was/is amazing! – After the act or even during, complimenting your partner’s ability to satiate your desire is key to making her feel adequate and able to please. Apart from that it also helps her feel on top of the world.

5. Shout her Name – A woman love it when her man calls out her name in the throes of passion. This is because she tends to feel encouraged about the fact that she s making you feel pleasure. Believe it or not your woman needs to be reassured that she is making you feel great, and communication is the key. So shout, moan or simply whisper her name into her ear and watch the passion soar.

6. Moaning – Shouting out or simply moaning while she is pleasuring you is a great way to get the message across that your partner is making you feel great. Also, women do say that the sound of moaning can be so sensual that it often is the one thing that makes them orgasm. So moan away, and tell your partner how well she is doing.

7. Oh my God! Don’t stop, don’t stop! : That urgency in your voice will definitely turn your woman on. This line also helps tell your partner that is doing exactly what makes you feel good, making her believe that she is doing what she set out to do perfectly.

8. I never knew sex could be this good: The fact that you are surprised and absolutely immersed in the pleasure she is providing will definitely give your woman that extra ego boost. This line also helps tell her that the amount of pleasure she is giving you is something you didn’t imagine possible. Let’s face it, women love to feel like a adored and cherished.

9. You are the best I’ve ever had: Okay, this might be a little far-fetched as some women might not like the idea of you comparing intimate acts with another woman. But this line is often great to bolster her ego. Knowing that she is much better than the rest, adds to the feeling that she is perfect and can make her feel even more pleasure.

10. OMG! You are so big – Okay, so this is not for the girls… it is for the MAN. A woman does love it when her woman compliments her ‘woman parts’. If a woman said, “You are so BIG” with pleasure written all over her face it would make you feel like you are rocking her world and you’re the absolutely best at what you’re doing. A good ego boost always helps add that extra flair to the experience.

"10 things you didn’t know about orgasm"

Sunday, March 6th, 2016 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, SEX | No Comments »

 

Want more? Join this sensual conversation, Listen or Download:
Sexuality Show Podcast Interview with Susan Bratton

• A special foot rub that wakes her up and makes her want sex.
Erectile tissue you can stroke in her chest and neck that will enhance her arousal.
• The touch that says, "I have you safe, baby."
• The face stroke technique that turns a man into putty in your hands.
• The special way to get her to show her beautiful nude body to you.
• The optimal place to suck on her neck to make her squirm in pleasure.
Lingerie that she loves and he finds sensational.
• A type of lady fat that he can’t keep his hands off.
• A squeezing, grabbing, cupping touch that won’t leave marks.
• How to give her a "stomach-gasm." Yes! It’s a THING.

Imagine what it would be like if you knew exactly how to turn your lover on along every level of sexual escalation as if you were just flipping a switch?
And when you DO flip the switch, they’ll be so hot for you in a matter of minutes… sometimes even just a few seconds…
That they just can’t wait to get started ravaging you… as you’re ravaging them… and giving each other immense amounts of sexual pleasure.
Well that’s exactly what’s going to happen after you listen to this recording.

Sexuality Show "10 Hot NEW Foreplay Techniques" <=== Listen or Download

No Sex Tonight [How to Respond] #emptylovebucket

Saturday, March 28th, 2015 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, SEX | No Comments »

No Sex Tonight

If filling her love bucket is on your “to-do” list and if you are certain that the Sex Ring of Desire is one of her top desires, then you need to keep reading.

Here’s a super controversial seduction tip if you’ve you ever been out with a girl, particularly on a first date and she says something like …

"You know we’re not having sex tonight right?"

Well, we’ve all been there my friend.  

And it’s no fun.

Josh Pellicier and Julian Foxx have THE answer for you on how to REACT to her statement and it will determine whether or not she goes to bed with you…

Now, before they tell you how to respond, it’s important that you understand how NOT to respond.

So let’s visualize a situation…

You’re on a first date with a woman and you’re having a great time at a local bar.

Then she drops the bomb.

"We’re not having sex tonight, so don’t get your hopes up!"

How do you react?

Most guys will subconsciously reveal their disappointment, either by pausing, or being
visibly affected in any way.

And some guys will consciously reveal their disappointment, by frowning, and saying something
like…

"Well, why not?" 


So here are 3 killer tricks that help you turn this pivotal moment to your advantage

TACTIC #1:   Be PREPARED For Her To Say It!

I’ve found about 30%-40% of my first dates, will tell me that we’re "not having sex tonight"…
(and 90% of them are dead wrong 😉

The point is, 30-40% is a lot, so you should always be prepared for it.

And by the way, if your dates don’t say this to you… it means you’re probably NOT pushing the
relationship forward aggressively enough.

TACTIC #2:  Flip Her On Back!

Not literally of course. But if you take my advice, you’ll get to do that too 😉

Immediately laugh and say something like… "Whoa! I can’t believe you’re thinking about sex already! You’re going have to take me for dinner before we even think about that!  Wow, what a dirty mind you have…"

This reaction is critical because it establishes YOU as the prize, AND it creates some doubt in her mind about your true intentions.  She’ll wonder…

"Wait, does he really want me?"
  (make her wonder)

TRICK #3:  Fall In Love With Her Mind…
And now we seal the deal.  

The trick here is to really connect with her…
bond with her.  Get her to reveal personal information, and give yours in return.

Let her know how much you LOVE her personality.
And her intelligence.

She must feel that you see the real her.

When you’ve accomplished this, you’re ready to use one of the smartest lines I’ve ever come up with…

So the next time sex comes up in the conversation, say something like…

"Honestly, you’re so cool and fun to be with…

sex is really the last question mark for me."

Trust me.  This line is MONEY.

And the rationale behind it is simple:  

-We already know we like each other.  
-We already know we get along.  
-But what if we wait for weeks or months to get intimate, only to find out that we’re NOT sexually compatible?

The logic behind this technique is indisputable.
And it gives her incredible justification to sleep with you immediately.

FYI – at this point in the interaction, she may or may not agree with you.  If she sticks to her
guns, and says…

"Yeah, but we should still wait",

…don’t flinch.  AGREE with her.  

And just focus on getting her back home or to wherever you have some real privacy.

Julian and Josh say, the rest should take care of itself.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE SEDUCTION TIPS

When Sex Goes Wrong

But what if you are not dating but are in a serious relationship or married?

Philip Muskin MD of Columbia University cited these statistics:

  • Married couples report having sex 68.5 times a year (1.3 times a week) according to a 2002 University of Chicago National Opinion Research Center Report.
  • According to a 2003 cover story in Newsweek, 15 to 20 percent of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, regarded as a ‘sexless marriage.’

Found out more about Female Orgasm and how to turn her on here: Female Orgasm Explained

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