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Sex and Love Always a HOT Topic!

Monday, March 3rd, 2014 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, SEX | No Comments »

Sex and Love Always a HOT Topic!

‘Sex and Love:’ an exploration of the humor, heartbreak and adventure in Millennial dating

New web-series explores technology and the modern dating landscape of Generation Y

In today’s world of texting and hook-up apps, where a relationship can be made or broken by a Facebook status, it’s clear that the dating landscape has changed immensely since Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks explored an early connection between technology and romance 16 years ago. In their upcoming web-series "Sex and Love," filmmakers Kyle Thomas and Mikal McLendon set out to explore dating, romance and sex as experienced by Generation Y, especially showcasing the ways in which technology, and our modern landscape, draw the drama, sentimentality and humor out of our search for sex and love.


This Chicago Pride article is by Anthony Morgano

"Chicago provides the backdrop for Sex and Love… What better setting, than in the Heart of America, for exploring themes of romance and its many perils?" reads the series’ Facebook page. "In particular: the complex world of dating for Millennials — the new ‘lost generation.’"

"Sex and Love, a narrative dramedy, will touch on many themes relevant to Millennials as the show follows the love lives of two twenty-something roommates — a gay man and a straight woman — and their struggles to connect in a time when relationships can be won, nurtured and lost over text messages," it continues. "Unlike decades past, modern dating doesn’t have any formalities. It’s the Wild West. Whether you’re "seeing someone," hooking up, in an open relationship, or just sexting, ambiguity rules the day."

"Sex and Love" began the way so many creative endeavors seem to — over a couple drinks. Thomas and McClendon worked together previously, as director and writer respectively, on "Stiletto," the film-noir that won Hesperidian Productions the title of Chicago’s 2012 RAW Filmmaker of the Year. Both filmmakers have since split from Hesperidian Productions, with Thomas now working under the label Kyle Thomas Creative. Thomas and McLendon continue to work together as they did before Hesperidian, finding inspiration in their lives and the lives of those around them.

Thomas first approached McLendon ("at DS Tequila, I believe") at the end of 2013 and proposed the concept of a show about modern dating set in Chicago. McLendon instantly liked the idea, which touched on themes that he’d been pondering in his own life. Those same themes, the duo realized, were also being addressed in internet articles popping up in their newsfeeds that picked apart OKCupid or explained how to parse a lover’s text message for deeper meaning. Technology, they realized, is intrinsically connected to dating and it’s up to Millennials to figure out just how to balance the two.

"Every boyfriend that I’ve ever had, I met on Facebook — I was thinking about that the other day, like ‘oh my God, I’m a statistic!’ Because I straight up am," Thomas told, laughing. "I’ve gone on a lot of dates, we all have, and one thing that I find very funny… is so many people are saying it’s so hard to meet people… and, granted, it’s not the easiest thing to find true love or husband material sitting at the back of the bar, but it doesn’t mean it’s not there."

"It’s really easy to meet people now actually, either on Facebook, or Grindr, OK Cupid, at the bars, you have so many venues to meet people," McLendon added — the duo’s conversation bounces off one another as they help fill out ideas and finish thoughts. "But because of that it kind of feeds back into itself where everyone is constantly looking for the perfect match or the best body or best whatever and so you end up with a situation where you could meet somebody and things might maybe be working, but they’re still looking and their attention starts to wander and things just kind of fall apart.".
"Thats why there’s so much disconnect, I think, with our generation when it comes to dating — because there are so many options, especially when you’re living in the city," he concluded.

Thomas and McLendon started pooling their friends ("we kind of talk about our dating lives all the time with our friends, so it wasn’t brand new or groundbreaking subject matter") and had similar conversations with them. It was clear that, despite differences in gender, race, sexuality and identity, there were certain similar stories and experiences that repeated in patterns. For example, finding a guy you thought you were seeing exclusively on Grindr or getting dumped by a text message are situations that are shared across, and at the same time very particular to, our generation.

The duo especially wants to explore technology and the way that it affects communication and the modern dating landscape. Texting is ubiquitous in the Millennials’ world, but many filmmakers shy away from it — understandably since sitting and reading somebody’s phone screen is somewhat less than cinematic. Thomas was initially wary of showing texting as well, pointing out the broad gap between seeing a drink thrown in someone’s face and sending them a meanly-worded quip, but in wanting to strive for an "authentic" experience, he and McLendon began exploring ways to show texting on "Sex and Love."

Together, they’ve brainstormed some interesting ways to incorporate texting into the show, ways to make it as emotionally engaging as it feels in real life. They also plan to explore the effects of Facebook, apps, dating websites and the like — things, they say, Millennials deal with in their everyday lives as they pioneer a new romantic world.

"We sort of grew up with this more traditional lens of relationships where there’s ‘the one’ for everybody out there and you sort of fall in love and live happily ever after, but then we grow up and its like BOOM — there’s Grindr and all these like online dating and sex apps and the bars are crazy… and we’re kind of the guinea pigs where we’re figuring these things out for the first time," McLendon told
"I think a great thing that the internet has been able to do is sort of expand the idea of what a relationship can be… The problem, I think, is that then you end up with people who are looking for different things or don’t know what they’re looking for or don’t know how to express what they’re looking for," he continued. "Everyone’s figuring it out as we go and then we have this technology that we have to figure out how to use as we go as well, and it’s very difficult but potentially funny and strange at the same time."

Thomas and McLendon admit that there are other shows that explore similar themes on TV right now, most notably HBO’s "Girls." McLendon sees Lena Dunham’s show as a very particular kind of experience, specific to "sort of privileged, white, New York, 20-somethings" that focuses mostly on character’s quirks. Whereas they touch on dating and technology and the way that Facebook and the like can affect relationships, he wants "Sex and Love" to focus on the modern dating experience in particular — "there’s a lot of material to mine here."

Another way Thomas and McLendon want to differentiate themselves, especially from "Girls," which has been criticized for lacking diversity, is by exploring dating through multiple perspectives and lenses. Thomas and McLendon are both gay men and see the show, set in Chicago, featuring scenes in Boystown. They want "Sex and Love" to reflect the growing diversity of the Millennial’s world, especially the increasing integration of the gay and straight spheres.

"There’s a lot of movement in society now, and you can see in the advocacy for gay marriage and gay rights and the tremendous support that we’ve been getting over the last couple of years, that [being gay] is becoming something that’s more normalized and you don’t necessarily have the stigma of ‘this is a gay show,’ or ‘we’re only gonna talk about gay people,’" Thomas said, discussing marriage as a new option for queer Millennials and teasing to that two brides will walk down the aisle come season two. "Because it’s not, it’s real life, we’re living it every day and I think that is something that we really want people to relate with."

"The perspective is generational, so its more about the age group, Millennials, and our experiences and these things that we’ve sort of had to grow up with and have been conditioned to," McLendon added. "We want to explore that through various lenses… we want to incorporate as much diversity into that as we can because while we have shared experiences, it’s different depending on where you’re coming at it from."

"We dont want to be pigeonholed as a gay show," he added. "One of the leads is a gay man and one of the leads is a straight woman — and yes, our experiences as gay men will inform them, but I think that we want to try to be as universal as we can."

In addition to representing a diversity of identity, Thomas and McLendon want "Sex and Love" to represent a diversity of Millennial perspectives on dating and sex. The two already come from, if not opposing, definitely differing opinions on the matter. Thomas is an out-and-out romantic, someone who knows what he wants, and what he wants is intimate, passionate love and romance. McLendon, on the other hand, isn’t sold on the idea of monogamy just yet, dating without necessarily looking to find something stable or committed. These viewpoints, and others they see as sort of universal types among Millennials, are represented through the attitudes of the series’ four main characters as the series opens.

The show begins with Emma, who will be played by the beautiful and talented Kristin Anderson, who Thomas and McLendon worked with when she starred in "Stiletto." The career-focused Emma is turning 30 and beginning to re-evaluate her life, trying to decide if her goal-oriented path has really made her happy and beginning to explore dating and love. The show’s other main character, Connor, moves in with Emma as the series opens, fresh from being broken up with by his long-term boyfriend. Single, but not by choice, the hopeless romantic gay man must navigate a dating world that now includes precarities like Grindr and Scruff. Ian, a straight man, begins from a more casual perspective, preferring sex to love and dating for the fun of it, while Emma’s best friend Kassie is engaged to the woman she loves, giving a perspective of what happens when the search is over.

"I grew up raised on this idea, this fantasy, of true love and finding that partner, that person, that soul mate, whatever that be… I don’t necessarily go on my dates looking for a husband, but I do find that I’m drawn to this passionate romance that does have stability and longevity to it," Thomas said. "I’ve had a lot of friends that have introduced me to other ways of looking at things, but I think as a generation we did grow up on Disney movies and we’ve had this like ‘prince/princess’ sort of hope."

"I think that’s part of the issue though… in addition to growing up with that Disney lens, just looking at like the growing divorce rate, a lot of people grew up in broken homes, myself included, and so it kind of disillusions you a bit about marriage because it shows that marriage isn’t necessarily the end-all be-all and it isn’t necessary going to be such a great thing to aspire to because it doesn’t really work out for a lot of people," McLendon said. "I think that’s opened up a lot of people to thinking about dating and marriage, or whatever you want to end up with, differently — just having other ideas about what you can get out of the dating experience."

One the thing the duo wants to make clear is that they are in no way stigmatizing hookup apps, online dating, meeting people in bars or any of the like. "Sex and Love" will explore all of these processes, showcasing not only the humor and mishaps that we’ve all seen ensue, but also the uniquely modern twist they lend to romance.

"There are the happy, romantic, magical, beautiful moments that still do happen, technology hasn’t taken that away from us," Thomas insists.
"I know a lot of people are like ‘I hate Grindr’ or ‘Grindr is destroying relationships,’ but really I think technology is just becoming more prevalent in our society," McLendon said. "It’s just something that we have to adapt to and that we’re still adapting to and figuring out how to incorporate and its not evil — It’s not necessarily good either, but it is something that’s a part of our lives and we have to learn to kind of embrace it or at least live in the world with it."
"We’re more about exploring technology and its effect on relationships, rather than making a statement about it," Thomas concluded.

"Sex and Love" is currently in a stage of pre-production. Thomas and McLendon are both approaching and being approached by producers and talking to people who are helping to move the project to the next level. The duo is especially busy these days, juggling tasks that include finishing the season’s scripts and scouting talent, courting investors and working out budgets. Considering the project was conceived less than six months ago, things are moving along at fast pace and both filmmakers are excited for what lies ahead.

When asked how to categorize their show, the duo says this: "Sex and Love" isn’t as quirky as "Girls" or as campy as "Sex and the City" and they’re not a sitcom like "Will and Grace," despite the gay man/female best friend leads. They are, however, somewhere in the same vein as these shows that came before, those that explored romance through the eyes of a generation. "Sex and Love" will showcase the comedy of the Millennial dating situation, but also address the serious moments — the heartbreak, wonder and confusion that come with dating for Generation Y.

"When you’re in your 20s that’s basically what you’re doing — we’re all exploring, we’re figuring out what we want, how we can get it, what works, what doesn’t work," McLendon said. "We figure those things out as we go and make a lot of mistakes along the way and that’s what we want to capture with this show is that process."

For more about "Sex and Love," visit their website at and like their Facebook page to keep up-to-date as news about when the series is released.


Sex Really Does Matter

Sunday, December 1st, 2013 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, SEX | No Comments »

Sex Really Does Matter

Sex, as in sexual intercourse, does matter. Sex is the beginning of all life. On a relationship level sex does matter. Sex is part of Lovematism. Sex is one of the 7 Rings of Desire® of the Love Bucket®

Sex is also in the question, “What sex is this person?” And by sex, the question is gender. Same sex. Member of the opposite sex.

And, it is the sex hormones that define us a man or woman.

It is the human genome that tells us that we are 99.9% the same, but only if you compare members of the same sex. So that is comparing two men or two women. But if you compare a man and a woman then the human genome is 98.5% genetically similar.

Presenter, David Page, Director of the Whitehead Institute and professor of biology at MIT, has shaped modern genomics and mapped the Y chromosome.

Page contends that medical research is overlooking a fundamental fact with the assumption that male and female cells are equal and interchangeable in the lab, most notably because conventional wisdom holds that the X and Y chromosomes are relevant only within the reproductive tract. Sex does matter outside reproduction.
This compelling talk foretells how changing the way we understand the sexes could transform health care. If the sexes are equal, why are women more likely than men to develop certain diseases, and vice versa? His renowned studies of the sex chromosomes have shaped modern understandings of reproductive health, fertility and sex disorders.
This is not the usual Love Bucket Blog post. This not about the Sex Ring of Desire of The Love Bucket®. This may open you to new ideas.

As heterosexual beings it is attraction of a XX woman and XY men that activates the Rings of Desire®

Sex Talk: The secret to desire

Sunday, October 6th, 2013 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, Drive Her Desire, SEX | No Comments »

The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

A crisis of DESIRE is often a crisis of IMAGINATION. Esther Perel:  TED Talk on SEX

In LOVE, we want closeness. In DESIRE, we want an other

(Note: The 7 Rings of Desire of The Love Bucket are the desires we want another person to fulfill.)

The very things that nurture LOVE are often the very things that stifle DESIRE. There is no NEEDINESS in DESIRE. Care taking is a powerful anti-aphrodisiac.

The question Esther Perel asked all over the world: When are you most drawn to your partner?

  1. When there is ABSENCE and LONGING i.e. When we’re apart 
  2. When I look at my partner from a distance, RADIANT (self sustaining) and CONFIDENT – not so far apart that I cannot see you, but far enough that I see you newly.e.g. When they are absorbed in something, when they are in their element, when they are doing something they are passionate about, when other people are drawn to them.
  3. When there is NOVELTY. e.g. When I’m surprised. When we laugh together

People generally say they want more sex, but  what they actually want is better sex – sex that reconnects them with feeling alive, eros, vital, vibrant, renewed.

In Long Term Relationships we need to balance:

  • Certainty vs. Uncertainty
  • Connection vs. Separateness
  • Security vs. Adventure
  • Togetherness vs. Autonomy

Esther also asked people when they turned their desire OFF.

I turn myself OFF when:

  • I feel old
  • I don’t like my body
  • I feel dead inside
  • I haven’t had time for myself
  • I haven’t had a chance to check in with you
  • I don’t perform at work
  • I feel low self esteem
  • I don’tt have a sense of self worth
  • I don’t feel like I have a right to want, to take or receive pleasure

What Erotic Couples Do Differently:

  • They have a lot of Sexual Privacy – They create sacred space
  • They understand that foreplay is not something you do 5 minutes before you have sex
  • An erotic space is where you leave responsibility behind – responsibility and desire don’t mix well
  • They understand that passion waxes and wanes and they know how to bring it back
  • They have demysified the myth of spontaneity – they understand that committed sex is premeditated sex – willful, intentional, focused and present

These are the personal notes of Bruce Muzik who jotted them down while watching the TED talk.

What are YOU going to do to activate desire?

"Mystery is not about looking in new places, it’s about looking with new eyes" – Proust


Yes! The Money DOES Create Sexual Tension!

Wednesday, November 28th, 2012 Posted in 7 Rings of Desire, Seduction, SEX | No Comments »

Yes!  The Money DOES Create Sexual Tension!

With more that half a million views, this scene with “Money” and James Bond is oozing with sexual tension:

Vesper (Money) and James Bond are not unlike any other hot-blooded man or woman.

The love dynamic here is clearly the sexual dynamic in play with a push-pull towards that mating dynamic power.

These two are striking sparks off one another with the tantalizing tease digs paired up with compliments. 

The flirting here is what happens with in new relationship connections but you can flirt and create the sexual tension even if you have been together for years. 

Vesper and Bond are both a little combative, a little dismissive and a little playfully condescending in true British form, but Vesper and Bond never cross the line into an actual insult. There is something unspoken agreement in this play fighting and posturing for the power position by pushing against each other and then pulling it away with the compliment.

The tantalizing tease with flirting is a dynamic that starts with a compliment followed by a tease, or a tease followed by a compliment.

Flirting with eyes with a coy look, making the Contact Ring of Desire alive with a touch on the skin (a must when you are in close physical proximity!),  and keeping them hanging with some mystery and anticipation creates massive sexual tension.

What are you doing to create sexual tension and fill The Love Bucket?


Four Seasons of Love Part 2 (Fill The Love Bucket)

Tuesday, March 6th, 2012 Posted in Dating, Mating, Relating, Seduction, SEX, The Love Bucket® | 1 Comment »

Four Seasons of Love Part 2

Some folks say this is good for every one of the Four Seasons of  Love.  Fill The Love Bucket by shining up the rings of desire of your special lady. One of those desires is sex.


Here’s a quick recap of the Four Seasons of Love Defined:


DATING – Season 1 of the Four Seasons of Love

INTIMACY – Season 2 of the Four Seasons of Love

COMMITMENT – Season 3 of the Four Seasons of Love

BREAK-UP & MAKE-UP – Season 4 of Four Seasons of Love

Four Seasons of Love celebrates love providing ideas for experiences for couples in the real world and online. The Love Bucket of romance and intimacy gives you and a chance to rekindle the flames of passion… Four Seasons of Love define the four seasons of the lifecycle of love in four parts. Part1 = Season 1, Part 2 = Season 2, Part 3 = Season 3, Part 4= Season 4

For many relationships, intimacy and commitment go together.  Season 2 of the Four Seasons of Love is intimacy which includes sex but is not limited to sex.  In the Four Seasons of Love there is a close familiarity and friendship, closeness, private connection, and involves physical or emotional intimacy.

In the Four Seasons of Love, the physical intimacy is characterized by romantic passionate love and sexual activity. The term intimacy often refers to is a sexual relationship.

Fortunately, in the Four Seasons of Love, intimacy does not end and traverses several of the Four Seasons of Love. There is a desire to belong and to love which is often satisfied within an intimate relationship.

The well-known Dummies books have several volumes relating to the four seasons of love.

To honor our friends and authors of the Dummies books we will dedicate the four seasons of love to them.  Here’s some of their sage advice:

Have a Sexier, More Exciting Relationship

Use these tips to keep the sexual chemistry alive in your marriage and improve your sex life:

  • · Show your love every day.
  • · Touch each other lovingly and sensuously.
  • · Show and tell your spouse what pleases you.
  • · Let your fantasies run free.
  • · Make time to be alone together.
  • · Play and laugh together.
  • · Make special time for sex.
  • · Become an artful kisser.
  • · Talk sexy to each other.

Try altering time, place and technique to further beat the bedroom boredom.



Be daring and create a sense of sexual excitement

Acting out fantasies can be a rich and exciting experience for couples. Once you’ve shared an experience, you’re likely to feel more comfortable with your fantasy lives and extend your repertoire further. If you do want to act out a fantasy, make sure that your partner is comfortable with the idea.

Playing grown-up games can also bring passion back to your sex life, and can increase feelings of trust and intimacy. Try:

  • Buying a blindfold
  • Adding sexy twists to classic games like hide and seek
  • Buying a commercial sex game
  • Staging fun play fights
  • Engaging in role playing



Maintain a sexual connection with your partner

If you’re working all day or busy raising a family, you may find that you stop seeing your partner as a lover. Maintaining a sexual connection will help you keep a sense of sexuality outside of the bedroom. Try:

  • Sending saucy text messages during the day.
  • Saying “I fancy you”, or paying an unexpected, sexually loaded compliment
  • Being physically bolder with affection

Create sexual space to arouse your senses

Think about creating an environment that appeals to each of your five senses in order to maximize the sensual experience.

  • Sight: Soft lightning and candlelight in particular can be very romantic and can cast exciting shadows in a room. Think about colours which excite you. Try swapping the bed linen for something sexy
  • Sound: Playing music can help to get you in the mood. Think about what kind of music makes you feel sexy, or calm and chilled.
  • Smell: Your partner’s favorite scent, or favorite aromatherapy oil can get your pulse racing. Lavender aids relaxation, ylang ylang can boost sensuality, or choose sandalwood to boost your sexual energy.
  • Taste: The link between food and sexual desire is well known. Foods which are said to contain aphrodisiac properties include strawberries, asparagus, chocolate, oysters, saffron and lettuce.
  • Touch: Your skin is the biggest sensory organ you have, yet it’s often forgotten about. Interesting textures such as silk, fur, feather and satin can help you rekindle a passion for touch and feel.

ALTER the romantic initiation “rules”

If sex has become a bit routine, try spicing things up by initiating sex in new ways:

  • Romantic and tender: This could start with a romantic supper, or massage, or any gesture which says ‘I love you’.
  • Brazen and bold: Try a sexy, direct statement or physical come-on which is straight to the point and says ‘I want you’.
  • Urgent and frenzied: The tempo is quickly upped after the usual hug and kiss
  • Daring and erotic: Turn up the volume by dressing sexily or performing a strip-tease for your partner.


Thanks to the Dummies books who are celebrating in March and for being part of the Four Seasons of Love.

Intimate relationships may start with season 1, dating, of the Four Seasons of Love and involve the physical and sexual attraction by one person to another, liking and loving, romantic feelings, and sexual relationships.

Season 3 of the Four Seasons of Love coming next.

Erogenous Zones Female Orgasm Explained

The Love Bucket®, 7 Rings of Desire®, Everybody Loves Love®, Sherrie Rose®, The Love Linguist®, Nagging to Naked™ are trademarks of company formerly known as The Love System LLC.© 2008 All Rights Reserved Worldwide. Disclaimers